Look. Look at Robert Pattinson. Jesus Christ. How boring can a human be? He’s so terminally dull that light often refuses to reflect off him, leaving him a walking shadow, slowly chewing sandwiches that contain nothing more than margarine and tedium.
And so, it comes as little surprise that he hasn’t been chosen to rock ‘n’ roll corpse, Jeff Buckley in a biopic about his life.
It is very likely that casting types repeatedly fell asleep when reading Pattz’ CV, smacking their heads on the desk so often that they’re all now in a special Pattinson Coma Ward in a Los Angeles hospital.
Apparently, someone found a bit of paper saying that the Twilight hunk-piece really, really wanted to play Jeff Buckley, but Robert’s handwriting is also crashingly boring, leaving those who read it feeling like they’ve already died. It was only when someone read a half written text message concerning this information did this fact get out.
Instead, producers gave the gig to relative unknown, Reeve Carney, simply because they could remember him at all.
Buckley’s mother and executive producer for the movie, Mary Guibert, confirmed:
“We are over the moon that Reeve has agreed to take on this challenging role.”
“He's been getting ready for this all his life. It certainly doesn't hurt that he looks so much like Jeff.?
Reeve, of course, played Spiderman/Peter Parker in the Broadway production of Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark. This means he’ll have first hand knowledge of people having near-fatal accidents when drawing up inspiration for the drowning scene when Buckley went from being ‘kinda alright’ to ‘legend’.
Meanwhile, Pattinson is standing in for a water cooler in an office in Prestatyn.
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Jean says
I really think you need to leave Robert along, he would play Jeff Buckley great some of his songs even sound like him. Are you so petty that you can’t see yhow good he really is?????? Remember if you can not say anything good about somebody then KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT that is a good thing to live by. Robert has a good soul, just watch him in his interviews always something good to say about somebody mainley Kristen. He is shy you can see him blush he is a good actor but you can tell some things are real.
Cookie Monster says
Given your comment, Jean, would it be too harsh to tell you, “Shut up!” as you have nothing nice to say to Mof?
No, no it would not.
Mangosta says
There’s a simple, idiotic beauty to the phrase ‘if you can not say anything good about somebody then KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT’.
Personally, I’d go further and say ‘If you can’t say anything nice, DIE SCREAMING IN A MASSIVE FIRE, SPACKERBALLS!’
P says
Coming from a blog called “hecklerspray” didn’t expect anything good from it . A lot of people really don’t read between the lines , pattinson did show interest at one point because he admire the man ‘s music but he also said that he couldn’t play it tone of voice is completely different , and believe me I doubt he’s heartbroken over this . He really doesn’t look like Buckley anyway , the actor they chose look perfect as far as looks is concerned , I wish him luck , give it time the same bloggers that praising him now and dissing patinson are gonna tear him down the minute production starts , that’s what they do hate on all actors , they think it makes them look interesting ..LOL ! I’m sorry you find him boring , I guess he’s too normal for you , perhaps if he was into drugs , drinking , acting a fool getting papped everywhere would be better for your blog ….like the 1st comment if you can’t say something halfway decent , you need to shut your pie hole ……..
The pug people says
I think Robert has taken too much flack for poor directing. He is a far better actor than people are giving him credit for. I really believe that his short coming in WFE had more to do with the directing. I’ve seen him show far more range in his other movies. This felt as if he was being held back.
If this is why they didn’t give him the role, then I can tell you right now I will not be going to see the Jeff Buckley movie and the producers are missing out on their sales and a true talent.
Mangosta says
If you can’t say something decent, shove your face in a ham slicer to make your face into face ham then feed it to your mum in a face ham sandwich.
Mangosta says
Your wisdom belies the blue, fuzzy zaniness of your public image, CM :)
The sheer hypocrisy of the whining septics who come on here makes me vomit green bile.
Cookie Monster says
In that case, you certainly should go see the Jeff Buckley movie. Unless the director said “Play a lifeless vampire, like really dead vampire, like totally passed-on, truly corpse-faced, emotional void of a being, think dead-eyed fish, but with less emoting” I think it’s R-Pats’ fault for not interpreting the direction properly. I mean, even K-Stew manages a proper dead-eyed-fish-pout between bouts of make-like-a-blank-chalkboard-sans-personality pouts.