Articles tagged with: Pregnant celebrities
Jamie Lynn Spears Sent Sarah Palin’s Kid Nothing, Actually
Heartbreaking news - Sarah Palin's illegitimate grandkid will grow up bereft of overpriced burp cloths with 'Yummy' embroidered on them. You know those reports yesterday saying that Jamie Lynn Spears had sent Bristol Palin a bunch of baby gifts as a kindly reminder that she isn't the only teenage girl to bring shame on her family by letting a redneck hump her without a condom until she got pregnant? Yeah, didn't happen. Jamie Lynn Spears' mother Lynne has denied the whole story. If that's the case, poor old Bristol Palin. It's one thing to illuminate the schism between Sarah Palin's personal and professional ideals while watching her unborn baby get hijacked as a political football by all sides, but getting the stinkeye from Zoey 101? That has to sting.
Heartbreaking news - Sarah Palin's illegitimate grandkid will grow up bereft of overpriced burp cloths with 'Yummy' embroidered on them. You know those reports yesterday saying that Jamie Lynn Spears had sent Bristol Palin a bunch of baby gifts as a kindly reminder that she isn't the only teenage girl to bring shame on her family by letting a redneck hump her without a condom until she got pregnant? Yeah, didn't happen. Jamie Lynn Spears' mother Lynne has denied the whole story. If that's the case, poor old Bristol Palin. It's one thing to illuminate the schism between Sarah Palin's personal and professional ideals while watching her unborn baby get hijacked as a political football by all sides, but getting the stinkeye from Zoey 101? That has to sting.
David Spade Did It With A Lady Until A Baby Popped Out
It must be the season for unexpected pregnancies. First little Bristol Palin let a cartoon redneck knock her up, and now this - something far far worse. David Spade has become a father. Accidentally. According to reports, David Spade had a brief relationship with a Playboy Playmate called Jillian Grace not so long ago and he accidentally got a baby wedged up there or something and now it's fallen out of her. We're not sure how the whole pregnancy thing works, to be honest. Why's that worse than Bristol Palin's pregnancy? Simple - Bristol Palin can look the world in the eye and tell everyone that the father of her child is a rugged, athletic 18-year-old brute at the peak of his sexual condition. But Jillian Grace? Every time she looks at her new baby it's just going to be a tragic reminder that she let David Spade stick it up her a couple of times once, the poor woman.
It must be the season for unexpected pregnancies. First little Bristol Palin let a cartoon redneck knock her up, and now this - something far far worse. David Spade has become a father. Accidentally. According to reports, David Spade had a brief relationship with a Playboy Playmate called Jillian Grace not so long ago and he accidentally got a baby wedged up there or something and now it's fallen out of her. We're not sure how the whole pregnancy thing works, to be honest. Why's that worse than Bristol Palin's pregnancy? Simple - Bristol Palin can look the world in the eye and tell everyone that the father of her child is a rugged, athletic 18-year-old brute at the peak of his sexual condition. But Jillian Grace? Every time she looks at her new baby it's just going to be a tragic reminder that she let David Spade stick it up her a couple of times once, the poor woman.
Don’t Worry Sarah Palin, Jamie Lynn Spears Feels Your Pain
Now that she's officially the world's most prematurely randy underage teenager, Bristol Palin must feel like she hasn't got a friend in the world. But it's OK, because there's one girl thousands of miles away who knows exactly what Bristol Palin's going through, and that's former pregnant teenager Jamie Lynn Spears. According to reports, Jamie Lynn Spears was so moved by the story of how Sarah Palin's daughter had loads of underage unprotected sex with a redneck hockey player until she ended up getting accidentally pregnant that she's sent her a gift. And, who knows, Jamie Lynn Spears might even end up making the trip to Alaska to teach Bristol Palin all about the joys of becoming a young mother. Or at least she would if only her little brat would stop screaming and crying and begging for attention and stealing the best years of her life away from her all the time. But otherwise, yeah.
Now that she's officially the world's most prematurely randy underage teenager, Bristol Palin must feel like she hasn't got a friend in the world. But it's OK, because there's one girl thousands of miles away who knows exactly what Bristol Palin's going through, and that's former pregnant teenager Jamie Lynn Spears. According to reports, Jamie Lynn Spears was so moved by the story of how Sarah Palin's daughter had loads of underage unprotected sex with a redneck hockey player until she ended up getting accidentally pregnant that she's sent her a gift. And, who knows, Jamie Lynn Spears might even end up making the trip to Alaska to teach Bristol Palin all about the joys of becoming a young mother. Or at least she would if only her little brat would stop screaming and crying and begging for attention and stealing the best years of her life away from her all the time. But otherwise, yeah.
Everyone Loves Sarah Palin’s Redneck Illegitimate Grandkid-Maker
If you ever wanted to be famous, why not take a leaf out of Levi Johnson's book and knock up the teenage daughter of a high-ranking politician? It seems to work - a few days ago, nobody knew who Levi Johnson was. And now, just because he happened to get vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin's underage daughter pregnant out of wedlock, you literally can't get away from him. Seriously, he's been in newspapers, magazines, on TV - and this morning we swear we saw Levi Johnson on a billboard advertising Sunny Delight, accompanied by the slogan 'So good it'll make you want to grow a mullet and have unprotected sex with a teenage girl, too!' And, perversely, Levi Johnson seems to have only made Sarah Palin more popular. Barack Obama must be kicking himself - why can't he find a nice young redneck to get one of his daughters pregnant too?
If you ever wanted to be famous, why not take a leaf out of Levi Johnson's book and knock up the teenage daughter of a high-ranking politician? It seems to work - a few days ago, nobody knew who Levi Johnson was. And now, just because he happened to get vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin's underage daughter pregnant out of wedlock, you literally can't get away from him. Seriously, he's been in newspapers, magazines, on TV - and this morning we swear we saw Levi Johnson on a billboard advertising Sunny Delight, accompanied by the slogan 'So good it'll make you want to grow a mullet and have unprotected sex with a teenage girl, too!' And, perversely, Levi Johnson seems to have only made Sarah Palin more popular. Barack Obama must be kicking himself - why can't he find a nice young redneck to get one of his daughters pregnant too?
Call Social Services: Pete Wentz Sings At His Unborn Emo Baby
By our estimates, Ashlee Simpson has now been pregnant for something like 400 years, approximately zero seconds of which have been remotely interesting. But it's never too late to start. So how about this - Pete Wentz, the pointy-haired emo tosswump and the father of Ashlee Simpson's unborn baby, has declared himself unofficial musical director of the pregnancy and often sings to the baby in its mother's womb. It sounds sweet, but you shouldn't be so easily fooled - for starters Pete Wentz only sings to his baby now because he knows it hasn't developed the ability to jam its fingers into its ears yet. Also, in retrospect we might have given you the wrong idea - Pete Wentz doesn't so much enjoy 'singing to his unborn baby' as 'screaming up Ashlee Simpson's tumpsy'. We assume.
By our estimates, Ashlee Simpson has now been pregnant for something like 400 years, approximately zero seconds of which have been remotely interesting. But it's never too late to start. So how about this - Pete Wentz, the pointy-haired emo tosswump and the father of Ashlee Simpson's unborn baby, has declared himself unofficial musical director of the pregnancy and often sings to the baby in its mother's womb. It sounds sweet, but you shouldn't be so easily fooled - for starters Pete Wentz only sings to his baby now because he knows it hasn't developed the ability to jam its fingers into its ears yet. Also, in retrospect we might have given you the wrong idea - Pete Wentz doesn't so much enjoy 'singing to his unborn baby' as 'screaming up Ashlee Simpson's tumpsy'. We assume.
Charlie Sheen Gets Brooke Mueller Pregnant, Refuses To Learn
Thank heavens that Charlie Sheen is fertile, for without his potent little sperm there'd be nothing left for him to bitterly argue with his ex-wives over. And Charlie Sheen is also a long-distance thinker, because he's just got his ex-wife Brooke Mueller pregnant. This means that as soon as his children with Denise Richards are old enough to think for themselves, he can quickly divorce Brooke Mueller and start having weird little public custody rages with her instead. Clever Charlie Sheen, he's always that one step ahead.
Thank heavens that Charlie Sheen is fertile, for without his potent little sperm there'd be nothing left for him to bitterly argue with his ex-wives over. And Charlie Sheen is also a long-distance thinker, because he's just got his ex-wife Brooke Mueller pregnant. This means that as soon as his children with Denise Richards are old enough to think for themselves, he can quickly divorce Brooke Mueller and start having weird little public custody rages with her instead. Clever Charlie Sheen, he's always that one step ahead.
Gwen Stefani Fires Another Baby Into The Ever-Increasing Bag of Celebrity Babies
Gwen Stefani has gone and done what everyone else in the world of celeb-o-vision has been doing recently. Yes, she's had a baby with that bloke from over here. You know, that one who used to be semi-famous for that one song his band did. Gavin... something. From Bush. Anyway, whoever he is and Gwen Stefani have had another child, and they've named him after a brand of soft drink or something - Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. What about John? Why not John Rossdale? Or Gavin, like his dad? That's a normal name. The poor thing's just being set up for a lifetimr of bullying.
Gwen Stefani has gone and done what everyone else in the world of celeb-o-vision has been doing recently. Yes, she's had a baby with that bloke from over here. You know, that one who used to be semi-famous for that one song his band did. Gavin... something. From Bush. Anyway, whoever he is and Gwen Stefani have had another child, and they've named him after a brand of soft drink or something - Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. What about John? Why not John Rossdale? Or Gavin, like his dad? That's a normal name. The poor thing's just being set up for a lifetimr of bullying.
Jamie Lynn Spears’ Future Husband Ain’t Married Yet
Some places in the world are stymied by plagues of infertility. Take Uganda for instance, people there haven't had decent sperm for decades. So it is the rest of us find ourselves burdened with the unwelcome responsibility of literally flooding that country with entire tankers full of viable spooj. It's a difficult task, and sometimes their Customs inspectors act like they really don't even need out reproductive juices. In the end their desire to not die out as a people always wins out, and they stamp the paperwork in the right places and wave our caravans on through. You're welcome, Uganda. Casey Aldridge knows what it is to be cursed with incredible fertility. After all - his knocking up of Jamie Lynn Spears is enough to prove that. If current rumors are to be believed, he's so fertile that he was even risking another woman's pregnancy while his precious schnooky-pie Spears was a plump 6 months pregnant. Like we said, if rumors are to be believed.
Some places in the world are stymied by plagues of infertility. Take Uganda for instance, people there haven't had decent sperm for decades. So it is the rest of us find ourselves burdened with the unwelcome responsibility of literally flooding that country with entire tankers full of viable spooj. It's a difficult task, and sometimes their Customs inspectors act like they really don't even need out reproductive juices. In the end their desire to not die out as a people always wins out, and they stamp the paperwork in the right places and wave our caravans on through. You're welcome, Uganda. Casey Aldridge knows what it is to be cursed with incredible fertility. After all - his knocking up of Jamie Lynn Spears is enough to prove that. If current rumors are to be believed, he's so fertile that he was even risking another woman's pregnancy while his precious schnooky-pie Spears was a plump 6 months pregnant. Like we said, if rumors are to be believed.
