Articles tagged with: Pregnant celebrities
Like many people, we felt alienated by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's announcement that they were expecting twins because they're just so la-di-da and famous and whatnot. What we needed was to hear that another celebrity couple were expecting twins, but only so long as they barely qualified as celebrities. Not household names, maybe slightly attractive but not critically praised for their jobs at all. Basically we were waiting for Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn to announce that they had twins on the way. So hooray for today, because that's exactly what has happened. Model and actress Rebecca Romijn has announced that she's pregnant with twins fathered by Kangaroo Jack and Fat Slags star Jerry O'Connell. Here's hoping that the twins have their mother's eyes and their father's... actually, no, let's just cross our fingers and pray that the twins escape from the womb with none of Jerry O'Connell's DNA whatsoever.
For ages, hecklerspray believed that the most intimate act a married couple could engage in was the exchange of saliva when ramming their tongues down each others throats. However, we were proven wrong when we were told that a couple can prove their love for each other by 'creating a baby'. This literally knocked us back, throwing into disarray our previous notion that a child is created using flour, the tears of an orphan, vanilla extract, nail clippings and the sweat from a man/woman depending on what sex you wanted the child to be. In days gone by, people would takes months to even kiss each other - never mind engage in any sexual goings on. Having a baby would only happen a good few years after marriage, under the eyes of God and surrounded by an approving society. However, we now live in a culture where a girl will flash her tits for half a pint of lager or for a couple of cold chips. So just imagine our disgust when we found out our number one celebrity fan and all round grasper of swear words Lee Ryan has left his pregnant fiancée of eight months.
When Angelina Jolie was shipped to her maternity clinic a couple of days ago, everyone assumed that it was because she was just about to sprout babies.
No such luck, we're afraid. Yesterday Angelina Jolie's obstetrician decided to make a sudden statement on her condition. And then, just when the world was holding its breath for something along the lines of "They've been born! And they're beautiful!" what it actually got was "They're not ready yet! Come back in a few weeks!"
So Angelina Jolie isn't going to give birth any time soon, then, although she's going to be staying in her maternity ward until then anyway. We're getting a little tired of all this waiting though - Angelina's got until the end of the week to have her babies, otherwise we go to France armed with a toilet plunger and whatever it is you cut umbilical cords with. Her choice.
Janet Jackson's job basically involves muttering about how sexy she is to nobody in particular in a vaguely constipated way, which must get boring.
So thank heavens that Janet Jackson has finally got broody - she wants a baby so badly that it's all she can do not to dress up as a nurse and snatch one from a maternity ward somewhere.
That's according to Janet's boyfriend Jermaine Dupri, anyway. He says that Janet is so desperate for babies that they're going to try for one the instant she finishes her upcoming tour. But why wait? if Janet Jackson wants a baby that badly she should throw caution to the wind and just cancel her shows. The fans won't mind - if they're Janet Jackson fans they'll have grown used to the crushing feeling of disappointment anyway.
This time a year ago, Jamie Lynn Spears was an innocent girl with her whole life wonderfully ahead of her.
She was skinny and popular, she had her own TV show, and more importantly she probably had no idea what her boyfriends winky-woo could have possibly looked like.
Fast forward to now & she's seen it up close. She's likely learned much about the male anatomy - including maybe penal-width & length averages in various countries and also maybe how to untangle a man's special-hairs from his pants zipper. That had happened to us twice by her age - it's actually quite common. We were like a dolphin caught in cruel Japanese fishing nets.Oh - another difference for her from right now to this-time last year is that little Spears has just become an official mother. They cut her open and let Simba's monkey lift the baby up for all to see.
The giraffes, reportedly, were unimpressed
A little girl has been coaxed out of Jessica Alba’s vagina in what scientists are referring to as a ‘birth’. According to the scientists, who have conducted ‘research’, Jessica Alba had sex with her husband, Cash Warren, approximately nine months ago and, as far as hecklerspray can deduce, this is somehow linked to the emergence of the little girl. They have decided to name the little girl Honor Marie Warren. Giving the girl a tag such as this will help to identify her when there are two or more little girls in the same room and in later life people can call out this name in order to get the girl's attention. Pretty smart when you think about it. Saves a lot of faffing.
It’s a scary time to be alive. Everywhere you look there are people dying, mothers crying, politicians lying and girlfriends prying. We are told global warming is going to drown us, terrorists are going to blow us up and Paris Hilton is going to have a baby - it’s all too much. The human body hasn’t evolved the capacity to deal with such misery, and so it seems that mass suicide is the only reasonable option. But wait! Put down your nooses, brothers and sisters! Kick off those high heels, rip off those fish nets and spit that orange to the floor, because it would appear that Paris Hilton aint pregnant after all!
Poor old Jamie Lynn Spears - ever since Miley Cyrus decided to show some of her back off to the world, people just aren't as interested in pregnant teenagers. That might just be for the best though, because as soon as anyone does show the slightest bit on interest in Jamie Lynn Spears, she flips out and gets them arrested for stalking her, which is what happened to photographer Edwin Merrino a couple of days ago. Merrino denies the charges, but then again who can blame Jamie Lynn Spears for protecting her unborn child so fiercely? If she starts letting strangers get to close to it, then the baby might hear their voice and start to prenatally learn words and concepts that Jamie Lynn Spears herself doesn't understand. Have you ever become the slave of a malevolent super-intelligent unborn baby dictator? It isn't very bloody nice, trust us.
