Angelina Jolie’s Twins To Remain Gut-Bound For The Foreseeable

When Angelina Jolie was shipped to her maternity clinic a couple of days ago, everyone assumed that it was because she was just about to sprout babies.

No such luck, we're afraid. Yesterday Angelina Jolie's obstetrician decided to make a sudden statement on her condition. And then, just when the world was holding its breath for something along the lines of "They've been born! And they're beautiful!" what it actually got was "They're not ready yet! Come back in a few weeks!"

So Angelina Jolie isn't going to give birth any time soon, then, although she's going to be staying in her maternity ward until then anyway. We're getting a little tired of all this waiting though – Angelina's got until the end of the week to have her babies, otherwise we go to France armed with a toilet plunger and whatever it is you cut umbilical cords with. Her choice.

Does anyone else get the feeling that Angelina Jolie is toying with our emotions? All we want is for her to give birth to her twins and then pose on the front of People magazine holding them so we can look at our own babies, realise they'll never be as attractive or successful as Angelina's and sell them to gypsies in disgust.

But will she do that? No she blinking won't. Angelina Jolie would much rather just percolate her babies for what seems like an age, teasing us with the occasional mistimed fakeout or sudden-seeming visit to a maternity clinic just to keep us excited in the meantime.

But now it looks as though we can all sit back and chillax for a while, because Angelina Jolie's obstetrician Michel Sussmann has told everyone that Angelina isn't going to give birth to her babies any time soon, as Yahoo reports:

He said her hospitalization "was scheduled for a long time… This is not an emergency situation," he added. "Her hospitalization at this stage in her pregnancy is totally normal for a patient who had a Caesarean (section) during her first pregnancy." The doctor said she would remain in the hospital until the babies are delivered and that could be "in the weeks to come."

Weeks? That's no fun – we want to see what Angelina Jolie's babies look like now, even if we have to crawl up there with a ladder and a flashlight ourselves.

It all seems a little bit fishy, doesn't it? Angelina Jolie usually goes to such great lengths to distance herself from the paparazzi, and now she's paying a doctor to tell the world's media that she's going to be holed up in one very specific building for several weeks? It doesn't add up. What's going on?

One theory is that Angelina Jolie has already given birth to her twins but she rejected them, and that she's being kept in hospital while a team of experts paint the babies brown and send them to Africa so that she can fly there and adopt them. It might not be completely true, though, given that we just made it up.