You may have been aware of rumours suggesting that Britney Spears had somehow managed to get pregnant.
Well, relax, because apparently she isn’t. True, Britney Spears might have a bit of a belly on her at the moment, but Britney says it’s just her bipolar medication bloating her stomach out.
But that’s the thing with psychiatric brain medication, isn’t it? Full of carbs. If only Britney Spears was diagnosed with another illness – like some kind of horrific wasting disease or the Ebola virus – instead of bipolar disorder, then they’d be lovely and happy and thin as a rake. No wonder she’s so mental.
As much as we hate to agree with Tom Cruise about anything, maybe in retrospect he did have something of a point about psychiatric medication that time. It doesn’t help anyone.
Look at Britney Spears for example – she’s apparently bipolar and on anti-psychotic pills because she gets so terribly sad all the time. So she takes the pills and stops being sad, but then they bloat out her stomach and make her sad again, so she takes more pills. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. Britney Spears may as well just buy a single hard-to-digest anti-psychotic pill, swallow it, wait a day, fish it out of her bum with her fingers, give it a quick rinse and then swallow it again, because at least that way she’d save a bit of money.
Anyway, the point of all this – if you hadn’t guessed – is that the bloating from Britney Spears’ medication is making people think she’s pregnant, which she says she isn’t. We did have an auxiliary point about Britney Spears eating shitty medicine out of her own arse, but even we forgot where we were going with it, so we’ll move on. According to The Daily Mail:
Britney Spears has denied that she is pregnant with her third child and says that her bloated tummy is simply down to new medication she is taking. The singer spoke out after pictures after pictures published this week showed the star smoking a cigarette with a suspiciously bloated stomach. A source close to the family says that Britney has been struggling with her weight ever since she had her second son Jayden James, 20 months, and the medication has not helped.
Of course Britney Spears isn’t pregnant. Ever since her father became her legal conservator, Britney has barely been allowed to go to the toilet by herself, let alone slip off and have full unprotected sexual intercourse with a human male.
Although, if Britney Spears did somehow manage to get herself pregnant, it’d be interesting to see what the courts made of it. After all, currently Britney Spears isn’t allowed full access to her kids, so we’d be keen to find out at what point the court commissioner decided to send a robotic claw up Britney’s mimsy to rip the unborn foetus out of her womb and give it to the father to raise. Shame we’ll never find out, really.
Read more:
‘I am not pregnant – it is just my medication that makes me bloated’, says Britney – Daily Mail
BiPolar says
I have been on bipolar meds for 3 yrs now. It does make your belly bloated, depending on how much meds you take.
jacob says
this article was hella stupid and warped
euclid says
hella stupid jacob-
the internet reaches beyond Kalifornia (circa 1997)
try again with words
Gilbert Wham says
What, so it’s ok that I am fat? I can blithely say ‘Oh, it’s just all the booze & drugs, not to worry’? Excellent.
Princess says
Antipsychotics make you gain weight. When I was 14 I was really skinny and very thin and I went on antipsychotics for generalized anxiety disorder and they cause your metabolism to slow down and your appetite to increase and they raise your glucose levels and it makes you gain weight. I was really skinny when I started the drugs and then I gained 30 pounds on Risperdal, but I got off the medication and am now back to being skinny. I’m actually anorexic now. I developed anorexia when I was losing the weight I put on while I was on antipsychotics. Now I’m skinny again, but I’m anorexic. Now I’m back to being skinny because I’m not taking my medication. The antipsychotics cause your stomach to get all gross looking and they make you really hungry and they slow down your metabolism and give you an out of control appetite where you’re never satisfied. I’m glad I’m off them, because to me, being skinny is more important than being mentally stable. Now I’m skinny, but a nervous wreck, but it’s worth it. I’m a size 2 and it’s great to be skinny. My waist is even thinner than my hips, so I’m even skinnier in shirt and skirt size, extra small. I’m not going back on medication because of the weight side effects.