Britney Spears’ court hearing yesterday was a success, although these days any period of time where Britney doesn’t cry or wave her fanny around like a football rattle technically counts as a success.
But this was a success. An actual success. The court commissioner has increased Britney Spears’ child visitation rights, you see.
Three cheers for Britney Spears! If only there were more heartwarming stories about women too mentally unwell to care for their own children except for occasional strictly court-imposed appointments in the presence of a psychologist and an external child safety monitor, maybe the world would be a better place.
There’s a lot of talk about Britney Spears being a bad mother just because she drove with one of them on her lap once and seems constantly on the brink of a messy bipolar sobbing suicide attempt – but it’s clear that actually Britney Spears is a good mother.
Why? Because there’s a statue of Britney Spears with a baby poking out of her minge. Is there a statue of a baby poking out of your minge? Thought not. And when Britney Spears had a harrowing breakdown that resulted in her admission into a psychiatric hospital, who did she think to take hostage in a locked bathroom until the police were called? That’s right – her children. Would you think to do that? No, no you wouldn’t. You’re the bad mother here. Britney Spears is the best.
That’s not just our opinion either – that’s the opinion of the commissioner in charge of yesterday’s custody hearing between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. OK, maybe ‘the best’ is an overstatement. Let’s try ‘marginally less likely to cause her children harm than three months ago’ instead.
That’s right – yesterday Britney Spears was told that she can see her children slightly more often than before, as the Los Angeles Times reports:
The singer’s visitation rights to sons Sean Preston and Jayden James were expanded Tuesday after a custody hearing with her ex-husband, Kevin Federline. According to Usmagazine.com, there was no change in custody. Federline’s attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan merely said that her time with the boys will be “more than it has been.” But according to TMZ.com, Spears will get three days supervised visitation a week and visitation on Mother’s Day.
This result is a good sign for all involved, notably Britney Spears. The more time she gets to spend with her children, the more she’ll become aware that she has a wider responsibility than to just herself. But Britney Spears isn’t the only one to feel the benefit of the commissioner’s decision.
Kevin Federline now gets a little more free time to research answers to some of the tricky questions that his children ask, like ‘why is the sky blue?’ and ‘how many legs does a doggy have?’
And, best of all, the kids get to see Britney Spears again. Not the singing, dancing pop princess Britney Spears from the TV that the rest of us get to see, but the dead-eyed, emotionally brittle psychiatric patient Britney Spears who gave birth to them. Heartwarming.
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Happy Mother’s Day, y’all: Britney Spears allowed more time with her boys – LA Times