Poor old Jamie Lynn Spears – ever since Miley Cyrus decided to show some of her back off to the world, people just aren’t as interested in pregnant teenagers.
That might just be for the best though, because as soon as anyone does show the slightest bit on interest in Jamie Lynn Spears, she flips out and gets them arrested for stalking her, which is what happened to photographer Edwin Merrino a couple of days ago.
Merrino denies the charges, but then again who can blame Jamie Lynn Spears for protecting her unborn child so fiercely? If she starts letting strangers get to close to it, then the baby might hear their voice and start to prenatally learn words and concepts that Jamie Lynn Spears herself doesn’t understand. Have you ever become the slave of a malevolent super-intelligent unborn baby dictator? It isn’t very bloody nice, trust us.
There was a time, perhaps you remember it, when Jamie Lynn Spears looked as if she was going to snatch the mantle of Most Famous Spears Sister away from Britney. It wasn’t particularly hard to do – she just needed to have unprotected sex with a lad from church until she got pregnant – but it didn’t quite pan out.
You see, any old fool can become a pregnant schoolgirl, but it takes real dedication to have a full-tilt meltdown and end up locked in a psychiatric hospital against your will. But even though she’ll always be the bridesmaid of Spears family inappropriate behaviour, Jamie Lynn Spears is still capable of snagging the odd headline for herself.
Of course, it helps if there’s someone stalking her. Which, according to her, there is. Jamie Lynn Spears has got photographer Edwin Merrino arrested for that very thing.
Why? What did this Merrino character do? Was it the old dildo package trick that the Spears family seems to get hit with so often? Perhaps he drew a picture of Jamie Lynn Spears dressed as a bride and digging his grave? No, not quite. Apparently Edwin Merrino was taking Jamie Lynn Spears’ photo. From 200 yards away. The stalky bastard. Did we mention that he was a photographer? E! Online reports:
Edwin Merrino, who was released later in the day after posting a $1,096 bond, has denied harassing the couple. He told the Associated Press Wednesday that he was at least 200 feet away from Spears and Aldridge when he was busted while trying to take a picture of them using a telephoto lens. “I just think since I was the only one there, it was just easier for them to single me out,” the Los Angeles-based shutterbug said, adding that he didn’t have much luck during the short time he was in the area.
Regardless of how guilty or not Edwin Merrino is, it’s easy to see Jamie Lynn Spears’ concern. Being trailed by the paparazzi affects her negatively in so many different ways.
Firstly, Jamie Lynn Spears has seen what constant media attention has done to her sister – she knows that you can only have your photo taken a finite amount of times before you suddenly shave your hair off and proclaim yourself to be the devil.
Secondly, Jamie Lynn Spears’ maternal instincts are probably kicking in hard quite, and she definitely won’t stand for anyone potentially harming the wellbeing of her kids by standing 200 yards away and aiming a small light-capturing box at them.
Also – and this is the most important explanation for Jamie Lynn Spears’ defensiveness – she’s quite a long way through the pregnancy now and so the chance of her getting a sudden huge contraction, falling to the floor and having the baby in a petrol station forecourt is quite high, and people like Merrino would be perfectly poised to snap pictures of the baby’s head crowning through Jamie Lynn’s genitals and then sell it to What Shit-Covered Birthing Teenager magazine for millions of dollars.
And forget invasion of privacy – if that ever happened Jamie Lynn Spears could kiss goodbye to getting a cheque for a spread in People magazine. And if she knew that she wasn’t going to get paid, Jamie Lynn would have probably never even bothered getting pregnant in the first place.