Now that she’s officially the world’s most prematurely randy underage teenager, Bristol Palin must feel like she hasn’t got a friend in the world.
But it’s OK, because there’s one girl thousands of miles away who knows exactly what Bristol Palin’s going through, and that’s former pregnant teenager Jamie Lynn Spears. According to reports, Jamie Lynn Spears was so moved by the story of how Sarah Palin‘s daughter had loads of underage unprotected sex with a redneck hockey player until she ended up getting accidentally pregnant that she’s sent her a gift.
And, who knows, Jamie Lynn Spears might even end up making the trip to Alaska to teach Bristol Palin all about the joys of becoming a young mother. Or at least she would if only her little brat would stop screaming and crying and begging for attention and stealing the best years of her life away from her all the time. But otherwise, yeah.
It’s been quite a week for Sarah Palin so far, hasn’t it? When it started she was just basically your average gun-loving smalltown mother from Alaska, a sort of cross between a sexy librarian and Cruella De Vil. Now, though, Sarah Palin is one of the most famous women in the world.
That’s not because she’s the newly-named Republican vice presidential candidate, by the way. It’s because she’s the newly-named Republican vice presidential candidate and her teenage daughter couldn’t keep it in her pants long enough to not get pregnant.
Sarah Palin’s big enough to cope with all the intrusion that her pregnant daughter has caused – she’s already fended off accusations from political heavyweights like Diddy, plus she’s from Alaska so she could probably stick an axe through a killer whale’s face without flinching if she needed to – but her pregnant daughter Bristol probably doesn’t know what’s hit her.
It must be terrible for her – young, pregnant at a socially unacceptable age, stupid name, brought up in a moronically strict household under the eyes of a vengeful God with a slightly unsuitable boyfriend and a much more famous relative who sort of acts a bit clueless in public… wait a minute, that sounds like little Jamie Lynn Spears.
Jamie Lynn Spears, you’ll remember, was basically the beta version of Bristol Palin. She got pregnant at 16 – even though her mother thought she was some sort of parenting expert – and had to deal with the ensuing public outcry before finally having the baby and emerging as a hero for sexually active yet clumsy rednecks everywhere.
And Jamie Lynn Spears has noticed the similarity between her and Bristol Palin too, which is why she’s sent her a little gift. The New York Daily News reports:
“Dear Bristol: Hang in there!!!!! XXOO,” the supportive card from the “Zoey 101” star read, underscoring the challenges she too has faced. Packaged in a mini pink suitcase, the $60 set of five coordinating burp cloths from Plain Mary are embroidered with “Babe,” “Loved,” “Yummy,” “Fresh,” and a skull & bones image.
That’s sweet, although 17-year-old mother Jamie Lynn Spears sending pregnant 17-year-old Bristol Palin a burp cloth with ‘Yummy’ written across it doesn’t show much thought. Perhaps she should have ordered a bespoke set with ‘Political Pawn’, ‘I Heart The Death Penalty’ or ‘Hey, I Look Like Karl Rove’ embroidered into them instead.
Or she could have been a teensy bit more honest and sent her a big bottle of gin, some sleeping pills and the words ‘Here, you need these more than me now’ scrawled on a baby puke-covered Post-It. Because, let’s face it, that’s probably what she’s thinking.
Joke Police says
1. Troll Republican comment machines.
2. ???
3. PROFIT!
Nhung Tran says
I really would like to ge=t these magazines in my mailbox
HRK says
Ease up turbo.
Mike in MD. says
It sad to see the lefties are still inventing ways to take a jab at the Palin family. When are they press going to start being responsible citizens and give the impressive woman her due?
McCain/Palin 2008
Palin/TBD 2012
Kristen says
Stuart,
Ease up on the hate and the assumptions. It is seriously unbecoming of you, not to mention juvenile, and, oh yeah, unprofessional.
PS. Mike, it seems unlikely to me that Stuart is a lefty, as most lefties are generally more accepting of deviation from the traditional family model and sexuality, including teenage sexuality. It seems to me that he’s just unrelentingly hateful.
G from MD says
Whoa… I thought this was the year 2008… and everyone knows that 17 year olds have sex. This can happen to ANYONE! In fact, isn’t that one of the HUGE facets of the Pro-Choice movement? If a young girl (read: under 18) gets pregnant, it would be MUCH more convenient to have an abortion?
Wow… pot calling the kettle black. And don’t even get me started on Obama calling her inexperienced. “Hey I am running a presidential campaign [supported by millions of brainwashed idiots and the liberal media] and therefore am now more experienced.”
you suck says
who cares
gir says
A Modest Proposal: For Preventing the Children of Young Girls in Alaska from Being a Burden to Their Grandparents’ Political Careers, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick
jshasson says
Heritage,
You sound like the same left wing always right jerk we now all expect to from in the news. Oboma evenmp family problems were not to be part of his effort to become president. Give it a rest and get a life jerk.
Nona says
Wow and I thought I was cynical. The girl did what a lot of teenagers do, screw up. I’m appalled that the media is just now addressing teenage pregnancy. New flash guys, if you would pull your head out of whatever currently famous celebrity’s rectum for a moment, you would see the problems been around for years and with much younger girls even.
Gov. Palin is just supporting her child as a good parent should. Since they are not some impoverished family, I don’t see any reason for her not to keep her baby and raise it. Just aborting or giving it up for adoption would not be making them responsible for their actions. By no means am I pro-life, but I think people that are able to raise the child, use it and adoption as a way to skirt responsibility.
Something that also appalled me in this article, “plus she’s from Alaska so she could probably stick an axe through a killer whale’s face without flinching if she needed to”. Good god, man. Just because she is from Alaska does not make her some hillbilly whale killer. To say the least, this writer needs to take a trip somewhere outside the suburbs and see that the people in the United States are not a bunch of hunched-over redneck farmers just because they do not live in New York or L.A.
Needless to say, I don’t pay much attention to the news these day because it’s just dreary and would depress me. I only came across this particular article no thanks to Google. This will be the last time I visit this site since I couldn’t give a flip about celebrity gossip or the cynical nazi bastards that write for them.
Amanda 1 says
I am glad that everyone who is white and has underaged unprotected sex is suddenly a redneck. This article is stupid. If one of obamas daughters was pregnant no one would say a word.
The Pilgrim says
WHAT?? 17 year old children getting pregnant in America? In this day and age? I am SHOCKED!!! And to make matters worse, she is keeping the baby. My goodness. Aren’t there any decent abortion mills in Alaska?
Antonio says
Wow,
This isn’t even news. Just one more piece of brainless, leftist bashing of a girl who made one mistake and then did the right thing. Way to go. You have a male name but you can’t even claim to be a man when you pick on an underage girl.
Angie says
Get over yourself! If you’re a dumbacrat I’m sure you’re all for freedom of choice including free love-or does that only apply to dumbacrats? It seems that’s always the case, they use everything to smear anyone that doesn’t agree with them unless it’s a fellow party member. Strange how that works, they get to be selectively liberal.
Q from AZ says
It’s funny to see all these people who don’t know Sarah Palin talking about her. I’ve searched the internet, but I can find only ONE story by someone who actually knows this woman. I encourage everyone who wants to know who this woman is to read it, because it’s the ONLY information out there from someone who actually knows her and who isn’t trying to sell you something politically:
http://www.crosscut.com/politics-government/17341
Better to get your information from a reliable source, rather than media gossip! It’s a good read, whether you like or hate the moose-loving hockey mom.
LWLA says
Who gives a shiiit what this insignificant freak thinks????
Aurora says
Don’t you get it? He’s making a SMART comment about how ridiculous this whole thing is. And funny. We liberals have nothing against a girl getting knocked up at 17, it’s none of our business and we don’t care and neither does he. BUT we do care when the mother goes around SPOUTING that ABSTINENCE should be taught in school and that abortion should not be allowed. IDEAS that affect ALL TEENS. She wouldn’t teach her own kid about sex, no choice for an abortion in their crazy family, so the kid is stuck being a mother at 17 and marrying a man she probably would never want to marry. Her mother kept her ignorant just like she wants to keep all other teens ignorant and then not give them a choice to keep or get rid of the baby. PLUS, what kind of mother KNOWING the scrutiny their child would be under would still fufill their ego trip of being VP? I feel for her daughter, but her mother put her in that position.
Eugene says
This whole circus is primarily an issue because the GOP is the party that supports birth control via abstinence, “family values” (whatever that means), no sex education in schools, etc.
It wouldn’t be anywhere near as ironic if this had happened to someone with opposite views.
gir says
Actually, after seeing Sarah Palin, I’m kind of interested in going over to the Republican side, if it will remove any objection she has to me boning her daughter.
I think I got a shot at this, somebody get me some ice skates and I’ll work up a little BO.
The Pilgrim says
Wow Aurora, you must be like really close to the Palin family to know just what sex talk the mom and dad didn’t give the kids, and she must have kept them ignorant because everyone knows that all those public school kids who go to sex ed and use birth control never get pregnant or get diseases, right? It’s SO sad; her being stuck with a kid and all, just because she made the adult decision to have sex, now she has to act like an adult and live with the consequences of her actions. Jeez. That is SO last century.
Joke Police says
You Republicans are not even funny any more.
Just boring.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.
This is not Sarah Palin’s fan club. This is not a Republican covention.
THIS IS HECKLERSPRAY.
If Barack did something hilariously hypocritical, god knows Stu and the team would write about it.
So please, please, go away with all your massively partisan whining.
E. Bunny says
Hey Dumb Dumbs,
Hecklerspray is a satirical website that makes fun of celebrity news. Note to you guys: get a sense of a website before you make a comment. If I’m not mistaken, there are references to the British version of “Big Brother on the page?” Or did you braniacs not realize that American television is on summer hiatus, and CBS isn’t showing big brother right now.
Get it! You just accused a British blog that makes fun of EVERYTHING(I won’t say anything about the Bernie Mac debacle ;-) of being part of the leftist blogosphere. The writers are probably reading these comments and wondering what in the crapper you are talking about (Yep, theys gots the internets all over the world). Crap like that happens when you, like the candidate that you are clumsily attempting to defend, don’t do your research. When you fail to do your research you come off looking like a bunch of cousin-dating morons.
Stop playing checkers in a chess game.
I would apologize to Hecklerspray for your ignorance and inability to see beyond your narrow world views, but I saw what people like you did to the Dixie Chicks. There are 3 chicks, but only 1 bunny. You win.
Anything involving Jamie Lynn Spears is fair game to celebrity satirist. If you want to get mad at someone, call Jamie Lynn Spears. Jamie Lynn Spears is the only one dragging that poor girl named after a racetrack into the spotlight as a pawn to further her career. Jamie’s gift to the Palin daughter was the ultimate “FU.” Jamie Lynn knows that the sexist media talking heads that just raked her and her mother over the coals unmercifully for the past several months, are rushing to defend and support the Palin family.
How do we know that Jamie Lynn sent a gift? Because she wanted you to know. The gift is her way of letting everyone know that their hypocrisy is duly noted, and they really can’t say anything when she pitches “Zoey 101 and a half” to the Disney executives.
Shooty* says
I have it on good authority that Mr Heritage is an equal opportunity discriminator, equally scathing of left, right, and centre as the opportunity arises. In many ways, he is 4 dimensional, and omni-present, kind of like the Higgs Field.
My goodness, aren’t the yanks up in arms about this kind of story? If only there was a bass playing scientology angle…
Shooty* says
P.S. I like e.bunny.
The Dread Pirate Sausage! says
I don’t know why you explain yourselves to psychotic, overly emotionally invested, potential stalkers.
Palin’s a fraud. Republicans are hypocrites and 16 year old preggo girls are a testament to poor parenting.
If Palin can’t run her house, the last thing America needs is her trying to run the nation.
I think that’s the gist of everyone’s preoccupation with her freakish family.