But that's just the kind of socially-conscientious girl Jamie Lynn Spears is. Now that her older sister Britney Spears is being heralded by many as the world's most famous bad mother, Jamie Lynn wants to have a go, too – so she's announced to the world via OK! magazine that she's 12 weeks pregnant with a baby fathered by her long-term boyfriend Casey Aldridge. News of Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy might seem like the Spears family has now reached critical mass when it comes to sexual irresponsibility, but you haven't seen anything yet – the cover of next week's Us Weekly consists of a close-up photo of baby Sean Preston's face alongside the quote "Dude! I Totally Knocked Up 15 Thai Sluts Last Week!"
Remember when we told you that Britney Spears' mother was writing a parenting guide? Well, our advice to you would be don't buy it. Don't even look at it. In fact, don't even think about the Spears family parenting guide, because we're starting to get the impression that if the thought of it even creeps into your mind for even a second, then all your children will instantly get pregnant regardless of their age, fertility or gender. Either that or they'll become petty shoplifters. Either way, it's nothing to brag to your friends about at the bus stop.
Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old sister of everyone's favourite befuddlingly clueless vagina model Britney Spears, has announced to the world that she's pregnant. And before she's even a high school senior, too! See, Hannah Montana? That's how you do teenage pregnancies right.
Anyway – details. Apparently, according to the screaming front cover of OK! magazine, Jamie Lynn Spears is 12 weeks pregnant and the father is long-term church-met boyfriend Casey Aldridge. Jamie Lynn Spears decided to tell her mother that she was pregnant at Thanksgiving, something that went down about as well as could be expected:
"I told my parents and my friends. I was scared, but I had to do what was right for me. [Mom] was very upset because it wasn't what she expected at all. A week after, she had time to cope with it and became very supportive… I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait. But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."
Hilariously, it looks as if Jamie Lynn Spears hadn't bothered to inform Britney Spears that she was pregnant. Last night she was still screaming at reporters that her sister wasn't pregnant, even though newsstands were full of pictures of Jamie Lynn saying that was at exactly the same time.
However, we're sure that once she's spoken to Jamie Lynn, Britney will do everything she can to help her little sister through the transition into motherhood. Britney is a world expert on how to drive children around dangerously and a foremost authority on the best way to spook your kids by farting, crying and babbling in a made-up language at them, remember. That sort of stuff is invaluable.
So Jamie Lynn Spears is happy that she's pregnant, her mother is happy that she's pregnant, Britney Spears will be happy that she's pregnant as soon as she finds out and Casey Aldridge is so happy that he's probably trying to start a new life in Mexico under an assumed identity as we speak – but what about Nickelodeon? Jamie Lynn Spears is the star of the network's show Zoey 101, and it's bound to be a headache to have a teen sitcom star suddenly swelling up like an infected wound in front of a confused audience of children. But here's Nickelodeon's take on the pregnancy:
"We respect Jamie Lynn's decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn's well being."
"Well, that and trying to work out how we can sack her and replace her with a sterilised 13-year-old lookalike," the company added under its breath when nobody was listening.
So what now for Jamie Lynn Spears. Having a child means that all her free time will be spent raising it, which puts her professional life in jeopardy. Oh, who are we kidding – she'll be signed up to High School Musical 3 by the end of the day.