Britney Spears might make you want to kill yourself every time she opens her mouth to sing, but at least she's not directly endangering anyone's life – not like when she gets behind the wheel of a car.
Although it's becoming increasingly clear that Britney Spears is even worse at driving than she is at remembering where her knicker drawer is, the poor girl doesn't seem to be learning at all. That much is clear from the video footage that's been released of Britney Spears running a red light in her car in Los Angeles. With her children as passengers. And her mobile phone about an inch away from her face. And a bunch of panicking paparazzi screaming "Red light! Red light!" at her. And now that Kevin Federline has got wind of this video, it means that there's going to be yet another Britney Spears court hearing set for the middle of the week. Fun.
You know how all girls like to have a fat friend to make themselves look thinner than they are when they're out? Well, it seems as if Britney Spears is adopting the fat friend principle to make aspects of her own life look better than they are. For instance, if anyone else had turned in a performance as shocking as Britney Spears did at the MTV VMAs they'd be out of a career – but compared to the rest of Britney's knicklerless, bald-headed car-crash of a life her routine was actually vaguely decent.
And if you thought that Britney Spears was in the middle of an all-time worst personal slump now that she keeps losing custody of her children – to Kevin Federline, for God's sake – and can't even manage a five-minute radio interview without ditching it midway through to drift about aimlessly, then let's just remember what a genuinely awful driver Britney Spears is.
Britney Spears has already got in trouble for the following: a) Driving with her son perched on her lap, b) driving with her son's baby-seat facing in the wrong direction, c) crashing her car into another car and walking away and d) driving without a valid California driving license – but that obviously isn't enough. And that might be why Britney Spears recently tried to combine as many of these things as possible in one fell swoop.
This weekend TMZ posted a video of Britney Spears running a red light on a busy interchange with her children in her car and her mobile phone held right up to her face, despite several cars honking at her and swarms of ever-present paparazzi shouting warnings at her. And now it looks as if this video is going to cost Britney her hard-fought visitation rights, because Kevin Federline has seen it and has set up yet another court hearing for Wednesday. So, you know, expect another flood of 'Britney Spears loses her children' stories on Thursday.
But whatever you think of Britney Spears recklessly endangering the lives of her children by making illegal red-light turns on busy intersections, it's important to remember that Britney Spears is a pop star and driving badly like a rebel is exactly the sort of thing that pop stars do, as Britney's lawyer is so fond of pointing out. Of course, it might be worth pointing out to Britney Spears that another part of being a pop star is convincingly making and promoting records that don't sound like an emotionally-distressed robot short-circuiting in the Geiger counter room of a leaking nuclear substation, but that's a technicality so shut up.