So what does Jamie Lynn Spears think is fun? Sport? Watching TV, maybe? No – according to Jamie Lynn Spears, being a constant slave to a screaming little fleshbag that’s stolen the rest of your life and won’t respond to reason or logic is fun.
We’re referring, of course, to Jamie Lynn Spears’ new baby. Jamie Lynn has been frothing and fizzing about how brilliant it is to be a teenage mother to OK! as part of a $1 million deal with the magazine that’s thought to include rights to interviews, baby photos and the inevitable ‘I hate my baby and wish it was never born’ postnatal depression exclusive, pencilled in for Christmas.
There’s nothing that thrusts someone into maturity quite as fast as parenthood. Take Britney Spears for example. Before she gave birth to her first baby, Britney was a slip of a girl who couldn’t be trusted to make any decision for herself. But since she became a mother, Britney Spears has… no, wait, bad example.
Let’s take her sister Jamie Lynn Spears instead, then. True, Jamie Lynn may have shocked the world by getting pregnant while she was still at school to an older boy she met at church, but that mistake of hers has resulted in the creation of a new life that, while technically a Spears, still almost qualifies as completely human.
Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to her little bundle of sexual irresponsibility, a little girl named Maddie, last month. Since having her baby, Jamie Lynn Spears has been quietly sheltering it from media attention by raising it in Mississippi with her boyfriend, who may or may not be a ‘lying, cheating dog‘.
But now that baby Maddie is past that that all-important ’10 days old’ mark, Jamie Lynn Spears has rightly guessed that now’s a good enough time to run screaming to the nearest magazine and blab endlessly about the tot for cash.
Which she has – this week’s OK! magazine has a cover featuring Jamie Lynn Spears and her new baby, and an interview with the new mother inside.
But before you start getting all judgmental about how it’s morally wrong to sell out a baby to a magazine when it’s too young to give its consent, think again.
Ever since she announced her pregnancy, Jamie Lynn Spears has had to battle presumptions that she’s too young to become a mother, and this OK! interview was the perfect chance for her to explain her feelings in a measured, well thought-out manner that would leave nobody questioning her emotional maturity.
So, Jamie Lynn Spears, the floor is yours. What profound insights can you give us on the subject of motherhood?
“I love taking care of her. It is so much fun. I just want to hug her and kiss her, and I’m happy all the time.”
Well, never mind. Don’t forget that Jamie Lynn Spears is still only 17 years old, so you can’t expect her to be able to verbalise her thoughts as lucidly as others. Besides, it looks very much like Jamie Lynn Spears wants to be a full-time mother, and that means she won’t be starring in any more rubbishy TV shows. That baby really is a blessing.
So let’s just congratulate Jamie Lynn Spears on her new baby and pray it never succumbs to the mental illness issues that have plagued other members of her family.