Thank heavens that Charlie Sheen is fertile, for without his potent little sperm there’d be nothing left for him to bitterly argue with his ex-wives over.

And Charlie Sheen is also a long-distance thinker, because he’s just got his ex-wife Brooke Mueller pregnant. This means that as soon as his children with Denise Richards are old enough to think for themselves, he can quickly divorce Brooke Mueller and start having weird little public custody rages with her instead.

Clever Charlie Sheen, he’s always that one step ahead.

They say that everything happens for a reason, and that’s never been more true than Charlie Sheen getting Denise Richards pregnant.

On the surface of things, it looks completely grim – had it not happened then Charlie and Denise would have quietly divorced and the kids wouldn’t have found themselves in the fractious public tug-of-love that’s bound to destroy their self-esteem for the rest of their lives – but on the plus sides, no Charlie Sheen getting Denise Richards pregnant equals no Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. You see, two ruined human lives are totally worth a show like that.

And, on that basis, we’re looking forward to seeing Brooke Mueller: It’s Just As Complicated, If Not More So in the near future, because Charlie Sheen has just announced that Brooke Mueller is pregnant. BBC News reports:

Actor Charlie Sheen has announced that he and his wife, Brooke Mueller, are expecting their first child together. “Brooke and I are thrilled!” the 42-year-old said in a statement. “Unless I bat 100%, perhaps a boy awaits us.”

Maybe we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here by assuming that sometime after the birth Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller will break up and they’ll enter into a bitter custody dispute that’ll involve dead prostitutes and dented pensioners and a million mad-eyed TV interviews. We’re just going on historical patterns here.

After all, Charlie Sheen does love Brooke Mueller so much that he had his tattoos removed for her. That’s a sign of eternal love, isn’t it? Of course it is. In fact, we’re jealous of the unborn foetus inside Brooke Mueller. We want to be it. We want to be born into a family where Charlie Sheen is the dad, purely because of the genetic upshot.

Think about it. We’d have the Sheen jawline, the Sheen haircut and – if we’re really lucky – the Sheen racial confusion. That baby will be blessed from birth, especially since his mother is statistically less likely to shack up with one of Bon Jovi, too. Stupid lucky Sheen baby.