Articles tagged with: Jamie Lynn Spears
Despair is a pretty common theme when it comes to writing about celebrities - especially when it comes to their impact on popular culture. Never let it be said that people around the world are anything more than mindless drones, willing to copy any trend pushed in front of them. So it comes as no surprise that half of the world's media have jumped onto the fact that Jamie Lynn Spears' recent plopping-out of a baby and subsequent photoshoot with said ball of illegitimate flesh could have an effect on teenage pregnancy levels around the world. Because young girls are even more stupid than the everyday moron. The world is sure to become a much worse place. Despair once again sets in.
Jamie Lynn Spears was raised in a totally different environment to the rest of us, so she obviously has her own idea of what's fun. So what does Jamie Lynn Spears think is fun? Sport? Watching TV, maybe? No - according to Jamie Lynn Spears, being a constant slave to a screaming little fleshbag that's stolen the rest of your life and won't respond to reason or logic is fun. We're referring, of course, to Jamie Lynn Spears' new baby. Jamie Lynn has been frothing and fizzing about how brilliant it is to be a teenage mother to OK! as part of a $1 million deal with the magazine that's thought to include rights to interviews, baby photos and the inevitable 'I hate my baby and wish it was never born' postnatal depression exclusive, pencilled in for Christmas.
Poor old Jamie Lynn Spears - ever since Miley Cyrus decided to show some of her back off to the world, people just aren't as interested in pregnant teenagers. That might just be for the best though, because as soon as anyone does show the slightest bit on interest in Jamie Lynn Spears, she flips out and gets them arrested for stalking her, which is what happened to photographer Edwin Merrino a couple of days ago. Merrino denies the charges, but then again who can blame Jamie Lynn Spears for protecting her unborn child so fiercely? If she starts letting strangers get to close to it, then the baby might hear their voice and start to prenatally learn words and concepts that Jamie Lynn Spears herself doesn't understand. Have you ever become the slave of a malevolent super-intelligent unborn baby dictator? It isn't very bloody nice, trust us.
If you thought all you needed to know about Jamie Lynn Spears' baby was that it'd be genetically cursed for a lifetime of misery, think again. That's because the gender of Jamie Lynn Spears' unborn baby has apparently sneaked out. According to reports, Jamie Lynn Spears' mother Lynne Spears was overheard telling people that Jamie Lynn's having a little girl. A girl! How wonderful for Jamie Lynn Spears. Now, with the gender determined, Jamie Lynn Spears and her boyfriend can start planning for the baby in full, by buying it a range of Little Slutz knickerless play outfits and a My First Pressure Your Baby Into Fame So You Can Vicariously Dine On Its Flesh toyset. Well, Jamie Lynn Spears will want to train her daughter up nice and early, won't she.
Jamie Lynn Spears has a problem. She's only 16 or something, and yet in her body lies a fatherless abomination festering in feminine hormones and lady grease.
When Spears jr decided she wanted to be pregnant really, really bad, perhaps it was because she thought stretch marks would make her Zoey character all the more real. And it does. We see now that she's one of us, and that she may have been so all along.
Now that she's the first line on a hitlist recently distributed to an elite Vatican strike force though, she better think of a way to unpregnant herself really fast. Either she should gently take the baby out and stuff it into a nice married lady, or she should get married herself. At 16. Which is the plan.
Apparently.
Bad luck perverts - just when you were getting around to thinking that there was something arousing about Jamie Lynn Spears being a pregnant schoolgirl, she goes and lets you down.
No, Jamie Lynn Spears hasn't given birth, instead she's passed her high school equivalency GED exam. So, freed up from the stigma attached to being a pregnant schoolgirl, Jamie Lynn Spears can now stretch out her horizons and become the plain old pregnant non-schoolgirl teenage strumpet with a bleak regret-filled future that she's always longed to be.
Congratulations Jamie Lynn. Live the dream.
When the world found out that Jamie Lynn Spears was up the duff, hell didn’t quite freeze over. It just appeared to be another wacky story in the long running and never ending tale of the Spears family clan.
More than anything it was a relief for Britney who could enjoy her own antics without being hassled by photographers. Hecklerspray was only vaguely aware that there was more than one Spears child, anyway, so we weren’t too bothered to find out that another Spears baby was going to be born. Jamie Lynn's sweet and innocent portrayal in Zoey 101 kind of fell flat on its arse after that. And now she’s been described a bit of a slag. Words every future mother wants to hear.
As the popular movie Juno has taught us, nothing aids the pregnant schoolgirl like a full-on rendition of a Moldy Peaches song with the kid from Arrested Development.
However, if you're Jamie Lynn Spears then you don't need any of that twee indie schmindie nonsense - you just pump the baby out, hand it to your mother and get on with your life.
That's right, it's been reported that Jamie Lynn Spears has decided to let her mother Lynne take care of raising the unborn baby that's currently inside her. Because, you know, she did such a great job with Britney and Jamie Lynn, right?
