If Jamie Lynn Spears' life was an episode of Maury – which it isn't, yet – it'd probably be called I'm A Pregnant Teenager And My Boyfriend Cheated On Me Even Though I Don't Know If He's The Father Or Not Yet.
Because, keen to make sure she lives up to the staggering level of personal ineptitude that her big sister is so fond of, Jamie Lynn Spears is determined to make her pregnancy one of the worst stage-managed in all of history. We've already had the outrage about Jamie Lynn Spears getting pregnant at 16, then the outrage about statutory rape, and now it's time for some fresh outrage, this time about the way that Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend Casey Aldridge is a 'lying cheating dog' who can't stop getting other girls pregnant. Not enough for you? OK, well what about Jamie Lynn Spears not knowing if Casey Aldridge is actually the father of her baby anyway? Better? Thought so.
Despite what people tell you, pregnancy's a piece of cake. All it involves is a bit of accidentally unsafe sex, nine months of eating coal and – bish bash bosh – there's a baby at the end of it. It's easy. But you wouldn't think that to see Jamie Lynn Spears lumbering through her pregnancy like some sort of clueless moron.
Jamie Lynn Spears is just a few months into her pregnancy, and she's already made a right pig's ear of it. Screaming 'I'm Pregnant' from the cover of a magazine before you've told all of your family is never the best way to start things off, but somehow things have managed to spiral downhill even further from there.
First Jamie Lynn Spears' babydaddy Casey Aldridge split up with her, and then he wanted to marry her, and then everyone wanted to arrest him for statutory rape, and then Mary J Blige was all like "you go girl!" which didn't help anyone in the slightest, and now it's been claimed that Casey Aldridge keeps cheating on Jamie Lynn Spears even though nobody knows if he's even the father of the baby or not.
Let's start with the 'Casey Aldridge cheating' thing. A friend of Jamie Lynn Spears has said that Casey can't stop cheating, is cheating on her now and had even got another girl pregnant last year. Bear in mind that if this source really is a friend of Jamie Lynn Spears then she's clearly a teenage girl and therefore probably got all this information from some Tippexed graffiti on a pencil case she saw during double science when Mr Barming had his back turned to check the bunsen burners:
“I think Casey is a serial cheater who has lied to Jamie Lynn and betrayed her time and time again. Even though I’m sure she knows in her heart that Casey’s a lying, cheating dog, Jamie Lynn is head over heels in love with him. She continues to take him back regardless of how awful he treats her. This past spring Casey was forced to tell Jamie Lynn that he’d cheated on her and gotten that girl pregnant. Jamie Lynn was devastated. She swore Casey out of her life forever.”
But then, the source goes on to blather, Jamie Lynn took Casey back the second that the pregnant girl miscarried, only to discover that Casey's apparently 'sneaking around' with someone inexplicably called Whitney Seals even though Jamie Lynn is pregnant – but is Casey Aldridge the father? An insider speaking to Page Six doesn't seem to think so:
"We have been hearing increasing rumors that Casey is not the baby's father. Jamie Lynn will not tell anyone who the actual father is…. Apparently [Jamie Lynn’s mother] Lynne is trying to cover the truth of it by making an arrangement with Casey. They may be paying him to pose as Jamie Lynn’s boyfriend and the father of her baby in order to protect her and her future.”
So what's the truth here? We're arsed if we know, but excited too. After all, if Jamie Lynn Spears can squeeze in uncertain paternity, infidelity, marriage, a split and statutory rape murmurs into three short months of pregnancy, what on earth should we expect from the next six? One thing's for sure – if this isn't building to a climax featuring the birth of a giant robot lizard with laser eyes then we're going to be sorely disappointed. Or apathetic.