If you thought all you needed to know about Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby was that it’d be genetically cursed for a lifetime of misery, think again.
That’s because the gender of Jamie Lynn Spears’ unborn baby has apparently sneaked out. According to reports, Jamie Lynn Spears’ mother Lynne Spears was overheard telling people that Jamie Lynn’s having a little girl.
A girl! How wonderful for Jamie Lynn Spears. Now, with the gender determined, Jamie Lynn Spears and her boyfriend can start planning for the baby in full, by buying it a range of Little Slutz knickerless play outfits and a My First Pressure Your Baby Into Fame So You Can Vicariously Dine On Its Flesh toyset. Well, Jamie Lynn Spears will want to train her daughter up nice and early, won’t she.
Now that Miley Cyrus is the new tween slut queen on the block, the old tween slut queens have started to get restless. The attention isn’t on them any more, so they’re going to have to wrestle it back whatever it takes. While that’ll prove difficult for Vanessa Hudgens – who’d need an endoscope to show us more than she already has – it’s much easier for pregnant 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears.
As if the whole pregnant schoolgirl thing isn’t enough, Jamie Lynn Spears also has several other angles that she can work – there’s the Britney’s sister angle, the baby’s father is a ‘lying, cheating dog’ angle and, of course, the enduring classic, the letting your mother raise your baby while you pretend to be its sister angle. And if that’s not enough, Jamie Lynn has just got herself another angle.
And that’s because Jamie Lynn Spears’ unborn baby is apparently a little girl. It’s supposed to be a secret, though, so shhh. The San Francisco Chronicle reports:
Teen star Jamie Lynn Spears’ mother has let it slip that the pregnant actress is expecting a baby girl. The 17-year-old star stunned the world when she confirmed she was expecting her first child in December, and now her mom, Lynne, has been overheard telling friends the baby will be her first granddaughter. A source tells Life and Style magazine, “I heard Lynne talking about Jamie Lynn’s baby. She said Jamie Lynn and the baby’s dad (Casey Aldridge) were so excited when they found out it’s a girl.”
Of course they were excited – do you know how hard it is to relentlessly train a little boy for fame at the expense of a normal childhood and its mental wellbeing? Really bloody hard. On the other hand, tell a little girl that she looks like a princess and she’ll have Vaselined her teeth and learnt how to tapdance to Old MacDonald Had A Farm before you can say ‘Mouseketeer’.
Jamie Lynn Spears’ daughter is due at the end of June. She should savour these next couple of months, since statistically this is when Auntie Britney is least likely to drop her on her head or take her hostage or anything crazy like that.
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mst3kster says
No doubt that Jamie Lynn will be a grandmother before she’s 30.
toolahroolahroolah says
And still people deny that Satan exists and walks the Earth.
euclid says
We know it’s a girl, but what about the baby?
karla galindo says
hola me encanta zoey