As the popular movie Juno has taught us, nothing aids the pregnant schoolgirl like a full-on rendition of a Moldy Peaches song with the kid from Arrested Development.
However, if you're Jamie Lynn Spears then you don't need any of that twee indie schmindie nonsense – you just pump the baby out, hand it to your mother and get on with your life.
That's right, it's been reported that Jamie Lynn Spears has decided to let her mother Lynne take care of raising the unborn baby that's currently inside her. Because, you know, she did such a great job with Britney and Jamie Lynn, right?
Suddenly becoming a pregnant 16-year-old has been hard on Jamie Lynn Spears. Sure, it meant that people started watching Zoey 101, but only so they could shout "SLUT!" and "PROSTITUTE!" and "YE FOUL GODLESS WHORESON-LADEN HARLOT!" at her two-dimensional face while beating their television sets with rudimentary clubs with pure righteous christian anger.
And, tragically, the pregnancy has also meant that Jamie Lynn Spears has split up with that older guy who knocked her up, assuming with the father. And, worse, Jamie Lynn Spears has had to watch her older sister Britney compete for attention like a pissy toddler who keeps shutting herself topless in her bathroom shrieking in a British accent until they take her away in an ambulance.
That's all been too much to take for Jamie Lynn Spears, which is why reports are suggesting that she doesn't even want the baby any more and will just fob it off to her mother Lynne as soon as it pops out. A source told Star magazine:
"After several weeks of personal soul searching and talks and discussions with her mom, Jamie Lynn reluctantly agreed that giving up the baby is the right thing to do. Lynne says Jamie doesn't understand the lifelong consequences of having a baby. She wants Jamie Lynn to continue her show business career after the baby is born and Jamie Lynn also realises she wants to enjoy her teenage years without the responsibilities of caring for a baby. Jamie Lynn will be back at work and trying to remind people of her talent and not that she is an unwed teenage mother."
Good. Jamie Lynn Spears needs to focus on her acting career, because that's obviously much more important than being a mother. Any old idiot can thwump out a baby, but can they star in a possibly-cancelled teen sitcom on a comparatively-unwatched cable station? No, they cannot. The possibly-cancelled teen sitcom is Jamie Lynn Spears' gift to the world, and we shouldn't forget that.
But, still, giving the baby to Lynne Spears to raise? That seems a little bit shortsighted. Here's a handily-prepared analogy to explain things further…
Imagine if some girls come to your door and offer to sell you some cookies. You ask to see the cookies first and the girls pull out one cookie that's got pregnant even though it's still a child and another cookie that's bald, has a visibly-exposed vagina and is so batshit insane that the girls sometimes have to slap it to keep it quiet. Would you buy cookies from those girls, or would you buy cookies from someone who's managed to raise two cookies that aren't blisteringly dysfunctional?
That's all we're saying.
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This Is The Life Of The Worthless says
Yeah, I guess stupidity runs in the family.
Heather says
Thats aload of crap. She is the one that went and had sex knowing the cons about it and know she wants to give her baby up? To me it sounds like her mother is no better of a parent bc then she would tell her daughter your the one that layed down and made that baby so you need to take care of it. Also so does the father bc its his fault too. So if they didnt want a baby then she shouldnt be having sex then. sorry that i sound cruel but i was a mother at 16 a single mother if that and im still raising her. I layed down my bed know I had to pay the price.
James says
That reporter OBVIOUSLY does not like the spears that much. She’s making it sound like Britney went mental and that Jaime is baiscally saying “screw being a mom”. Well THEY’RE NOT!!! And there mom cant be said as being a bad mom ( of cookies) either, the choices her kids make cant be blamed ( even though there is nothing to blame) on her.
euclid says
james? coherent, not.
Look, we should all be thankful that the elder
Spears Mom (Lynne is it?) didn’t take fertility pills
and have quadruplets, although by now I’m sure she’s
galled at the missed opportunity. We can be fairly
certain that this next generation of cretins will cop wise
and begin pushing out litters for the sake of taking
over the entire news cycle while cashing in on the psychic
cannibalization of their young.
Then again, copping wise isn’t part of the gene pool, is it?
brian says
dam
she should have an abortion her mom is bull shit
didnt she see juno
just either give it to some one or abortion it
Tyanna says
I think that she should be a rollmodel for other teen kids that are pregnant or have kid. she should raise her kid and not have her mom do it she should not get the easy way out she made the kid so she should raise it.
nigga wha? says
welp. she’s pretty dumb.
jennie says
thats not cool she is so young and is probly scared to death and her sister is going through a retard stage and her mom is worried she wont make anymore money to suport her and this poor girl is lost in a world of stupid family members so somebody please step in and help these poor girls before they od on drugs from stress if this is life being rich and famouse i am glad i am just normal
Ahna says
This is such bullshit. People should really stop judging this family; and any other family for that matter. What they do is their business, and it’s sickening how everyone spreads it all over the world. Your kids are probably out in the world, running around and making choices just like this. You can’t control what other people do, and it’s wrong of any one to critic any other person.
Amy says
OK, this is just stupid. I got pregnant at 16 my daughter is 13 and i never once thought about just handing her over.i also have a 11 yr old son whom i would never just throw away either. Jamie lynn chose to lay down and have unprotected sex she needs to stand up and show her sister how to be a woman and a GOOD mother.Who cares about her “acting” career. Hell, i would have loved to be an actress, who wouldn’t ? In 10 years the only reason her name will be recognizable is because she’s Brittney’s sister,then what? She’s going to look back and wish she could have raised her child and it’s going to be too late. She needs to grow up, obviously she thought she was grown enough to lay down and have sex. Looks like she was dead wrong,HUH?
gir says
Who knew so many girls who got pregnant at 16 read hecklerspray? Who knew so many could read?
Venom says
Ok befor coming out to say she was having a kid and then going to give it up to her mother someone that cant even raise her kids herself OMG, she should have just had an abortion I am sure she is not the 1st. What is with the Spears family do they really have to have all the attention so they create all these problems then air there dirty laundry or just welcome it in. These people had so much and to give up a baby to your mother when she is so capable and financailly able to care for this kid. Man it is just sad.
MARGIE says
well for a 16yr old to have a baby and cant take care of it herself then what is she doing having a baby??
it was kindda stupid and for stopping her show that all the little kids LOVE to watch well she was putting a BAD EXAMPLE for all the little kids…
i really dont know what to say about her and her family its just a disappoint.
their just one stupid family!!!!
i would’ve thought it out before having SEX like come!she aint responseable at all!!!
HooplaOinkOink says
We can see the results of Lynne Spears’ parenting capabilities in Jamie and Britney. Giving the baby to her is child abuse.
To Ahna and all the “leave this family alone” crowd: keep in mind that Britney herself has been continually alerting the paparazzi in advance about her every move so that they can be sure to follow her and splash her life all over the media. Also, don’t forget that the “exclusive” story of Jamie’s pregnancy was sold to a tabloid by her family. Furthermore, note that it was the family who made sure that Star magazine got the story about Jamie giving up the baby to her mom. If all of you don’t like all the attention that the Spears family is getting in the press, then take your case to the members of the Spears family themselves, as they are the ones who are actively promoting all of this media attention for Britney and Jamie.
BEAUTIFUL! says
we shouldn’t judge her we are not perfect.on the other i advise her to either give it to her mother or give it up for adoption.she doesn’t have the right to end a life or take a life that is God’s job.she should take up for her responsibility.i’am sick of girls having baby’s left and right and they just get a abortion or give it to thier grandparents or parents like it’s nothing.And to all i say may who, who haven’t sined may cast the first stoned. on that case that means none of you can cast a stone.
BEAUTIFUL! says
sick of girls having baby’s left and right and they are throwing it away or abortioning it they need to stop acting like stupid whores anf murderers and take up for her responsibility.if jamie didn’t want a baby then she shouldn’t have done the thing in the first place.forget about protecting youself i guess that’s what she did and look what happened.those things are not 100%.I don’t know why people do stupid things and put them selfs in the risk.THE BEST PROTECTION IS ABSTINECE PEOPLE HELLO JAMIE LYNN SPEARS. LIGHT ON BUT NOBODY’S HOME DIDN’T YOU LEARN FROM YOUR SISTER .AND YOU THINK THE GUY WHO KNOCKED YOU UP IS GOING TO TAKE UP FOR HIS RESPONSIBILITY HE’S GOING TO RUN LIKE A COWARD.MOST GUY’S DO ANYWAYS.
Lam says
Is her decision, not yours. so don’t be worrying about others people, try worrying bout yourself. So what if Britney is going through changes in her life, and Jamie is making the wrong mistake of having un-plan Sex. well They are still human. and human makes mistake. There is a lot other 16 years old mother, but why do we not focus the story on them and their mother??? well because they are not a STAR. GET it??? So what Jamie and Britney is going through crisis in their life. It’s their choice and Decision, and Definitely, It’s their LIFE. So move on. Don’t judge them. After all. They’re only Human.
dlj says
I got pg when I was 17 years old and at that time in my life I had BIG plans for the future…BUT it was time for me to grow up and do the right thing. I didnt come from money so you would think that giving my baby up to someone with more to offer would have been a smart idea. But I didnt do this. I had my baby and realized that he was more important than any amount of money. He was a gift from God. He is 23 years old and has a good life with wonderful friends. But most importantly he knows that even tho I was a girl when he was born…I loved him. We grew together and I thank the lord everyday for giving me the chance to have someone as awesome as him in my life. People leave her alone! She will do this regardedless of what people thing
k…BUT SHE WILL PAY FOR IT! Her life will change the day that baby arrives, it will never be the same. And who knows, when she becomes a woman and wants to have a child with the man she falls in love with, maybe God will not let it be. She will look back and think I had my chance to be a mother and I BLEW IT!
curtis says
I am disgusted with grandmother spears. What a bad example for her 16 year old daughter. “So you go and have sex, get pregnant and the only consequence is ohh, well, i’ll just take care of the baby, you go on and be successful.” Puke! And then she’ll raise another superstar baby and expose her to child stardom before he/she can decide for themselves . I think the mother should help but I think it’s irresponsible of her to take over the upbringing. If you lie down and screw, deal with the frikken consequence. What a fucked up family!!
She should have aborted it or put it up for external adoption. Yuck!
Annette says
I just think she should raise her own baby the best she can, sixteen or not…Mom’s help, yes but raise her own baby.
monica says
it is jamie’s choce, but if she picks not to have kid, i’s like taking a life away from earth.
moniqe says
she should have had sex at an older age
amylyn says
dam evreyones a bisy body
tc says
love is the best mediciine in the world, but like all medicine it has side effects.
like children. as they say god is love. and what created all of us? love.
nichole says
it is her life if she wants to give up thats on herbut i hope she don’t follow into brittany’s follow into brittany’s footsteps
cynthia says
you ppl are so wrong for saying these kinds of things about this girl. You really need to leave her alone and let her live her life in peice. she isnt a slut and ppl need to quit saying she is. obviously god gave her those babies as a gift of love so you ppl can go fuck yourselves and leave that poor girl the hell alone she doesnt need all this stress on her while she is in this situation LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!
cynthia says
just cuz you get pregnant early dont mean you are stupid
cynthia says
FUCK YOU no one should get an abortion that is so stupid you are a man you have no idea how much pain a women goes through to have a baby and then just give it up. It must be hell so leave that poor girl alone