OK, that's not exactly right – Jamie Lynn Spears was best known for being Britney Spears' sister, then for being in a film where she played Britney Spears' sister, then for being Britney Spears' sister in a TV show about Britney Spears, then for being Kevin Federline's sister-in-law and then for her Nickelodeon TV show Zoey 101. Not that any of that means much any more, because it's been reported that Nickelodeon has dropped Zoey 101 thanks to Jamie Lynn's pregnancy. Heaven knows why, because we always thought that children's TV badly needed a teen sitcom about a schoolgirl with postnatal depression so severe that she routinely fantasises about dropping it out of a window. Or something.
A few months ago, Jamie Lynn Spears had it all going for her – she was like a younger, less berserk version of Britney Spears with her own zany TV show about teenage girls talking at each other really fast and a wonderful childhood sweetheart boyfriend who she met at church. But that was then.
Now Jamie Lynn Spears is the pregnant 16-year-old, equally berserk sister of Britney Spears with a boyfriend who's a 'lying cheating dog' who might not even be the baby's father anyway and possibly no TV show at all, let alone a zany one. It's been reported that Nickelodeon has realised that no Zoey 101 at all is better than Zoey 101 starring a sallow-faced calcium-deficient single teenage mother who keeps squirting breastmilk through her starter bra. The Sun reports:
The fourth and final season has already been filmed — with two episodes that will see the end of US schoolgirl Zoey. And a show source further revealed: "Nickelodeon bosses are still undecided whether to air season four or not. For now it looks like it has been canned."
This news will come as a blow to all kinds of people – not just infant fans of Zoey 101 who were keen to see how their hero's story ended, but also to eagle-eyed cultural commentators eager to see if Jamie Lynn Spears could manage to get through a scene without barfing everywhere or wolfing down jar after jar of picked onions to satiate her irrational pregnancy craving like some sort of vinegary witch.
And it's unfortunate that Nickelodeon wants to can Zoey 101 completely, since the final episodes actually dealt with Zoey getting knocked up by an older boy and then watching the rest of her life fall apart as a result. Ironic really.
So what now for Jamie Lynn Spears' career? Surely her days as a child star are numbered, and she still looks about nine years old so she might not be ready for the leap into more grown-up stuff, so she's stuffed, right? Poor Jamie Lynn must be distraught – if only she'd thought to post photos of her minge around the internet instead of actually getting pregnant, she'd have had a much easier ride.
The moral here, girls, is that you should post pictures of your minges around the internet. We think.