When the world found out that Jamie Lynn Spears was up the duff, hell didn’t quite freeze over. It just appeared to be another wacky story in the long running and never ending tale of the Spears family clan.
More than anything it was a relief for Britney who could enjoy her own antics without being hassled by photographers. Hecklerspray was only vaguely aware that there was more than one Spears child, anyway, so we weren’t too bothered to find out that another Spears baby was going to be born. Jamie Lynn's sweet and innocent portrayal in Zoey 101 kind of fell flat on its arse after that. And now she’s been described a bit of a slag. Words every future mother wants to hear.
In times of need, like cleaning up vomit and trying to get used to the smell of baby poo, you need your friends around you. Right? We’d have thought so, but the friends of Jamie Lynn Spears don’t agree. They’ve instead been making us wonder how the mother of Jamie Lynne and Britney hasn’t got mum of the year award yet. After all, Jordan and Kerry Katona have won it.
Instead of teaching her to help old women across the street and carry their shopping, Lynne Spears allowed Jamie Lynn to get a reputation for sleeping around and partying. And by sleeping around, we don’t mean kipping in a different bed every night. We mean the sexual kind of sleeping.
When we were 16, we spent our evenings sipping milk and eating biscuits. But not too many though, we didn’t want to get too much sugar and fat in to our diets. That would be crazy. But looks like we’ve been no kind of role model to Jamie Lynn Spears, though. Rather than take a leaf out of our book, she's instead been accused of drinking alcoholic beverages and having more sex than we knew about.
Of course people are now cashing in on the poor plight of Jamie Lynn Spears and all sorts of comments have been made, including:
“The 16-year-old drinks heavily and regularly cheats on her boyfriend Casey Aldridge.”
Ouch, that’s gotta hurt!
“I know for a fact that Casey was not the first guy she slept with – or the last. There were at least two others. I know that 110%.”
Probably not the best comment to save her reputation. Or this:
“Some people drink to have a good time. But she drank to get wrecked. She drank to get messed up and forget about her mother, her sister and all of that."
To be fair, we can see why someone would drink to forget her family’s antics. If we were related to a minge-showing, head-shaving, crazy baby-driving sister then we’d want to slide into the back too. But there is a plus of being pregnant if Jamie Lynn Spears' alleged chat-up technique is anything to go by. Pregnant? Horny? At a party? Try this one for size:
“It's cool, I'm pregnant. I can't get pregnant again.”
That’s how we look at contraception, too. Get a girl pregnant and for nine months it’ll bring down the cost of buying condoms. On the negative side, you get a child eventually. Still, they can be given away or sold to Madonna. We always thought the way of stopping a girl from getting pregnant was to dust our penises with chocolate powder before doing the deed. We hate being wrong.
Read more:
euclid says
You have more than one?