Articles tagged with: cheryl cole
WEBTHUMP! 23 September 2009
10 - Was Mr King Fu's death more than just a big sexy accident? - Popeater 9 - Hands up who wants to see a trippy pool table? - Geekologie 8 - Even good things can make you sick, thinks Cheryl Cole - Mychemicaltoilet 7 - All the hippest trendy-bendies were at London Fancy Dress Week. See them here - Popsugar 6 - Here's some sexy actresses with tatts - Interestment
X Factor Recap: Big Double Bill Action
And so it was the weekend when the big pulsating brains behind X Factor decided that they might as well do two shows in two days. That equals around three hours of hot singing action, plus judges comments. Dannii Minogue, fast receding into the background, has ceased to say anything of worth, and the occasional flashes to her still, eerie face have carved her a niche as the only subliminal judge on the panel. The other three still cast their important judgements, and Cheryl has now taken to the stage on at least three occasions to hug the weeping contestants, much like Mother Teresa would, had she ever been given the chance to get out of the slums to judge a singing contest instead. She's dead now, bless her. Has been for ages.
And so it was the weekend when the big pulsating brains behind X Factor decided that they might as well do two shows in two days. That equals around three hours of hot singing action, plus judges comments. Dannii Minogue, fast receding into the background, has ceased to say anything of worth, and the occasional flashes to her still, eerie face have carved her a niche as the only subliminal judge on the panel. The other three still cast their important judgements, and Cheryl has now taken to the stage on at least three occasions to hug the weeping contestants, much like Mother Teresa would, had she ever been given the chance to get out of the slums to judge a singing contest instead. She's dead now, bless her. Has been for ages.
X Factor Recap: Olly Murs And Some Other Bad Idiots
Yay! Big Brother's finished! Yay! That means we can talk about X Factor now! Yay! Until Christmas! Yay! Or until we take our own lives! YAY! Now, X Factor is still in that awful, unnecessarily long early audition part where people turn up, sing in a hilariously bad way and then go home to develop lifelong violent revenge fixations on Louis Walsh. These episodes barely warrant recaps, to be honest, but how else could we spend our time? Seeing friends? Going outside? Pah. So here are the X Factor contestants from Saturday who caught our eye - Olly Murs, Demi Cullum and Carla Schettini...
Yay! Big Brother's finished! Yay! That means we can talk about X Factor now! Yay! Until Christmas! Yay! Or until we take our own lives! YAY! Now, X Factor is still in that awful, unnecessarily long early audition part where people turn up, sing in a hilariously bad way and then go home to develop lifelong violent revenge fixations on Louis Walsh. These episodes barely warrant recaps, to be honest, but how else could we spend our time? Seeing friends? Going outside? Pah. So here are the X Factor contestants from Saturday who caught our eye - Olly Murs, Demi Cullum and Carla Schettini...
X Factor Returns On Saturday, Abandon All Hope Now
Just like Christmas, Easter, St George's Day and the mourning of our office hamster, X Factor has made its mark and become a regular calendar fixture. Entering series number six, the programme will once again whittle down a select few hopefuls from hundreds of thousands and give them the belief they’ll win an elusive record deal. And for the rejects? Well for a good five weeks ITV can boost its audience share by editing together programmes that contain utterly shoddy performers. Will there be tears? Burly council estate dads threatening the judges when their tubby daughter is rejected? Quite likely yes, but will there be Japanese monkeys wheeled in to work with the chosen few in bootcamp? We don’t really know, which is why we present our predictions for X Factor 2009.
Just like Christmas, Easter, St George's Day and the mourning of our office hamster, X Factor has made its mark and become a regular calendar fixture. Entering series number six, the programme will once again whittle down a select few hopefuls from hundreds of thousands and give them the belief they’ll win an elusive record deal. And for the rejects? Well for a good five weeks ITV can boost its audience share by editing together programmes that contain utterly shoddy performers. Will there be tears? Burly council estate dads threatening the judges when their tubby daughter is rejected? Quite likely yes, but will there be Japanese monkeys wheeled in to work with the chosen few in bootcamp? We don’t really know, which is why we present our predictions for X Factor 2009.
Is Cheryl Cole Getting An Impractically Tiny Clothing Line?
Forget singing and dancing and marrying idiots, winning X Factor with Alexandra Burke might be Cheryl Cole's greatest achievement. Because, for teaching herself the Pavlovian response of bursting into tears every that Alexandra opened her poxy mouth, Cheryl Cole is now a proper celebrity. So much so that she might release her own clothing line. Topshop reportedly wants to give Cheryl a Kate Moss-style clothing collection, so soon everybody can look exactly like Cheryl Cole. Well, almost - they'd have to become tiny malnourished midget transvestites in too much make-up if they wanted to look exactly like her. Rules is rules.
Forget singing and dancing and marrying idiots, winning X Factor with Alexandra Burke might be Cheryl Cole's greatest achievement. Because, for teaching herself the Pavlovian response of bursting into tears every that Alexandra opened her poxy mouth, Cheryl Cole is now a proper celebrity. So much so that she might release her own clothing line. Topshop reportedly wants to give Cheryl a Kate Moss-style clothing collection, so soon everybody can look exactly like Cheryl Cole. Well, almost - they'd have to become tiny malnourished midget transvestites in too much make-up if they wanted to look exactly like her. Rules is rules.
The X Factor Judges Are All Basically Children
The live X Factor finals start tomorrow, which we're giddy about because it means we get to watch the exact same thing every week until we want to die. However, there's just one little thing that could derail the entire show, and that's that the X Factor judges are being great big babies. According to reports, X Factor judges Louis Walsh, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole are all fighting because some of them don't want to sit next to other judges and one of them has a slightly bigger dressing room than the rest. What's more, Cheryl Cole doesn't like Louis Walsh because he's got BO, and Louis Walsh doesn't like Dannii Minogue because she keeps her lunch inside an ice cream tub instead of a real lunchbox like he does, and Dannii Minogue heard Carly Robinson from 7F tell her best friend's cousin that Cheryl Cole had nits and was a lesbian IDST.
The live X Factor finals start tomorrow, which we're giddy about because it means we get to watch the exact same thing every week until we want to die. However, there's just one little thing that could derail the entire show, and that's that the X Factor judges are being great big babies. According to reports, X Factor judges Louis Walsh, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole are all fighting because some of them don't want to sit next to other judges and one of them has a slightly bigger dressing room than the rest. What's more, Cheryl Cole doesn't like Louis Walsh because he's got BO, and Louis Walsh doesn't like Dannii Minogue because she keeps her lunch inside an ice cream tub instead of a real lunchbox like he does, and Dannii Minogue heard Carly Robinson from 7F tell her best friend's cousin that Cheryl Cole had nits and was a lesbian IDST.
Yay! Cheryl Cole Is Pretending To Be Happily Married Again!
Watching Cheryl Cole on X Factor, chances are all you see is a phenomenal amount of make-up and a voice that makes you want to scratch your own spine off. But what you don't see is the sadness behind Cheryl Cole's eyes. The sadness of a woman whose husband got hammered on booze once and ended up having all sorts of depraved puke-sex with a slapper who wasn't her. Actually you can't see that at all any more, because Cheryl Cole isn't sad at all. In an appearance on Jonathan Ross to be shown on Friday, Cheryl Cole wore her wedding ring and told everyone that she's patched up her marriage once and for all. The moral of this story, obviously, is that true love endures. And that if you earn £100k a week you can probably get away with vomiting over a few slags every now and then.
Watching Cheryl Cole on X Factor, chances are all you see is a phenomenal amount of make-up and a voice that makes you want to scratch your own spine off. But what you don't see is the sadness behind Cheryl Cole's eyes. The sadness of a woman whose husband got hammered on booze once and ended up having all sorts of depraved puke-sex with a slapper who wasn't her. Actually you can't see that at all any more, because Cheryl Cole isn't sad at all. In an appearance on Jonathan Ross to be shown on Friday, Cheryl Cole wore her wedding ring and told everyone that she's patched up her marriage once and for all. The moral of this story, obviously, is that true love endures. And that if you earn £100k a week you can probably get away with vomiting over a few slags every now and then.
Ashley Cole Is A Bad, Bad Husband
Ashley, who cheated on his singer and fan of assault occasioning actual bodily harm wife, Cheryl, late last year, apparently received over half the votes in the poll. Well done, Ashley. At least you’re winning something.
It’s got to be hard to top the list of anything. We at hecklerspray can only manage number 45 in a list of the WORLD’S most powerful blogs, after all. But think about it; Ashley Cole is now officially a worse husband than Fred West. Definitely. He is.
Ashley Cole, kicker of balls and shagger of hairdressers, has been voted the worst husband EVER by the readers of ladies’ mag Eve.
Ashley, who cheated on his singer and fan of assault occasioning actual bodily harm wife, Cheryl, late last year, apparently received over half the votes in the poll. Well done, Ashley. At least you’re winning something.
It’s got to be hard to top the list of anything. We at hecklerspray can only manage number 45 in a list of the WORLD’S most powerful blogs, after all. But think about it; Ashley Cole is now officially a worse husband than Fred West. Definitely. He is.
