Posts tagged as:

cheryl cole

Simon Cowell Wants To Reanimate His Own Corpse

by Mof Gimmers

Should you be unlucky enough to live for the next 300 years, aside from the agony of reanimation, the clawing sense of disenfranchisement with our new ape leaders and, of course, the horrible realisation that you are a disappointment regardless of the time you live in, you might be on the end of a withering [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Incredibly Long Unnecessary Review Of X Factor 2011, Episode 1

by Sophie Hall

It has been 8 months now, since we all obligingly sat down with a couple of friends, some choice lunch meats, and self loathing, and watched Matt Cardle furiously leaking into his corduroy jeans. Oh, and won X Factor 2010. Some would say the healing process after viewing this will need a considerably longer time [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

People Continue To Employ Cheryl Cole For Inexplicable Reasons (Glee and ‘A Film With Cameron Diaz In It’ Beckon)

by Sophie Hall

You may remember a few months ago (and if you don’t remember, you’re a liar, because we ALL remember. We just don’t talk about it anymore) someone, somewhere on the horizon of logic sacked Cheryl Cole upon realising she is an entirely pointless human woman. Yeah, you remember. It was brilliant. After years being mollycoddled [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Cher Lloyd Admires Tulisa’s Balls

by Kris Silver

Cher Lloyd, you remember her don’t you? She’s that one what didn’t win the X Factor and is still famous for some reason despite not having actually done anything to earn it. Well, she’s back in the news this week after accusing new X Factor judge Tulisa off of the N-Dubz of secretly being a [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Cher Lloyd Ignores Her Stylists Because They, Like Everyone Else, Are Haters

by Michael Park

It is a fact, passed down through from hecklerspray writer to hecklerspray writer that if ever someone utters the words “haters gonna hate” or any other variation on that theme that they have automatically marked themselves out as a hateful figure. Therefore it is easy to imagine the vehement feelings of anger that course through [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Ashley Cole Has Had Some Flings Because He Definitely Likes Women More Than Men

by hecklerspray staff

Cheryl Cole must be practising her best disappointed / all out of love face in the mirror again, because on again, off again, on again, off again, on again (off again?) ex-husband Ashley Cole is facing fresh allegation that as a single man he has slept with a lady or two, you know, cause he [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

What’s All This About Simon Cowell And His Amazing Anti-Ageing Potion?

by Mof Gimmers

Simon Cowell isn’t looking as old as he used to. Sure, he’s looking weirder than he used to, but that’s clearly down to American dentistry, leaving him looking like a boiled potato with some dentures jammed in. While you may think the music mogul/overlord has been under the surgeon’s knife, well, you may well be [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Suicidal Louis Walsh Blabs About Cheryl Cole’s Love Life Like An Idiot

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh. He’s been on the brink of a nervous breakdown since the last series of The X Factor when he got spectacularly angry about the existence of the film, Gummo. We’ve assumed that he’s been going under thanks to working with Jedward. That or some suffocating closeting he’s imposed on himself surrounding rumours of [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

Kimberley Walsh Misplaces Cheryl Cole In America

by Michael Park

Worrying reports are flooding into the bedsit that Girls Aloud and (apparently) solo star Kimberley Walsh has managed to misplace long-time friend and band-mate Cheryl Cole while on holiday in America. News in recent weeks has suggested that Cheryl is trying to get her PR disaster of a career back on track but this latest [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Look! X Factor USA Is Imminent! Simon Cowell’s Nightmare In Video Proves It!

by Mof Gimmers

Hark at this! The brand spanking new X Factor USA has finally started advertising itself and, despite shameless product placement, they’ve only gone and made an adspot that isn’t wholly awful. In fact, it’s almost charmingly witty. Although, Paula Abdul’s face takes the prize as funniest thing on the video. Anyway, here it is. Watch [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →