Everything changes and develops into condensed shiny version. Even social networking has evolved. In the beginning we had MySpace, a tool where any idiot could upload appalling songs in the vain hope of being snapped up by a label. Facebook pinched the audience of MySpace, simplifying the clumsiness of its predecessor before Twitter cut out the marketing spam and made everything feel more communal.
Twitter allows the entire world to know what you're doing in a continual burst of status updates. Refreshing as it is to know your mate is suffering from chronic diarrhoea, it’s the celebrities who are best value as sometimes, they totally fail to self-edit.
We think of it as friendly stalking from afar, eliminating the chances of you being caught furiously masturbating outside your favourite slebs house. And now, poor Cheryl Cole who has been out the spotlight for a while, has signed up to twitter which means we can find out exactly what she's thinking (follow her here).
Every girl group has a member who somehow maintains popularity and press coverage despite doing nothing at all. As far as we're aware, all of the other members of Girls Aloud aren't doing anything that?ll bankroll them for the rest of their lives. Nadine released a flop album, the ginger one did something with make-up, Sarah Harding starred in a couple of ropey films and we can't remember the other one. Wasn?t she called Bridgett? Whatever her name, her and all of the other members combined haven't been up to much compared to Chezza.
And poor Cheryl became the nation’s sweetheart… the innocent dimple cheeked lamb who always suffered at the hands of other people.
First she had to face the behaviour of on/off partner Ashley Cole who was sticking his penis in other women?s love tunnels. And men too, if you believe those completely libellous rumours.
In more recent times, Cheryl suffered at the mercy of entertainment lord and music?s greatest enemy, Simon Cowell. Because Girls Aloud wouldn't ripple in the gigantic pond that is the American music market, Cheryl was given a chance to break the lucrative Yank market and tell a bunch of deluded singers over there that they were rubbish. That's right, X-Factor was going Stateside and a humble Geordie girl was going along for the ride. After months of dragging the American judging panel out, there was a problem. Cheryl?s Geordie accent wasn?t cutting the peas pudding and she was asked to leave.
And Paula Abdul bullied her.
Since X-Factor dried up, Cheryl Cole has disappeared. Where has she gone? No new music has been released and there's been a lack of patronising makeup adverts on the TV. Toilet attendants might be on edge. But fear not! Everyone can now catch up with what Cheryl is doing all the time. From refusing her super skinny cappuccino because it's too fattening, to planning magazine shoots, we?ll get to know everything that's going on thanks to Twitter.
So far, @cherylcole has only tweeted twice. They include:
?It’s me CC! WHERE MY SOLDIERS AT…….?!!! I can’t believe what my fingers are doing but yes I’m tweeting :-s so here goes…X?
It appears that she might have fled to Libya to head up the rebel troops movement. And:
?Happy birthday Cameron, you sexy beeeyyaatchh…X?
Clearly Cheryl Cole is a Tory supporter and is keen to show off her mad love for her number one politician BFF, David Cameron.
@stephendfry might have competition on Twitter, but not @hecklerspray. Poo jokes are as intelligent as we get.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!
Macy says
Cameron is Cameron D
Macy says
And that was what she wanted to be out of the spotlight but the press had other intentions because 90% of the stories had been completely fabricated, she hasn’t opened her mouth once since X Factor and she has moved on.
She working with Far East Movement, Guetta and other people in her new album and she has filmed a cameo role in a new film. There’s a new L’Oreal campaign and The Financial Times has just published how their Elnett hairspray sales increased even more after Cheryl was the face of it this year.
She’s even busier than she was before, it’s all good in Cheryl’s land.