Articles tagged with: charity
As we speak, Jessica Simpson is in Kuwait, ready to boost troop morale by jiggling her boobies around and kidding herself that people are interested in her singing voice.
It's a lovely, kindhearted thing for Jessica Simpson to do. Or at least it would be, if Jessica hadn't ratcheted up a gigantic bill to hand the organisers in the process.
Although her Kuwait visit is essentially a goodwill trip, Jessica Simpson's private jet, accommodation and beauty entourage will leave concert organisers MySpace hundreds of thousands of dollars out of pocket. That's fair enough, though - those troops want to see a bright-orange man-jawed bimbo of questionable musical credibility, not a bright-orange man-jawed bimbo of questionable musical credibility with a rubbish make-up job.
Brad Pitt ditched Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie quite some time ago now, and you'd think that the three of them would be starting to think about bygones.
Not a flipping chance. In fact, if current reports are to be believed, Jennifer Aniston is still quite miserable about the whole shebang and blames Angelina Jolie for ruining her entire life.
Which should make for a fun evening on February 23, because that's when all three of them are going to host a charity event in Beverly Hills together. Let's hope it's a charity auction, because they could make a fortune flogging off the clumps of hair and flesh that Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie will invariably claw off each other about three seconds after clapping eyes on each other.
Madonna love Malawi, this much we know. Madonna loves Malawi like she loves horrific leotards and getting her arm muscles all veiny.
And that's why Madonna recently invited every single famous person alive to the United Nations to help raise money to save Malawi.
A noble gesture, sure, but not especially long-sighted - because now that Madonna's helping to get Malawi richer, she's effectively reducing the number of penniless illiterate Malawian widowers who she can confuse into letting her adopt their children in the future. Silly Madonna.
It seems that some people are never happy. After saving the world by organising a few gigs, Bono has been slammed by head of African Aid Action, Jobs Selasie.Bono, who is renowned for his messianic charisma and rumoured to heal the blind just with his touch, was criticised by Selassie for not involving grassroots African organisations and saying that such half-baked charity endeavours such as Live Aid are detrimental to the future of Africa.
If there's one thing that Heather Mills hates - apart from newspapers that obviously can't see how much better she is than everyone else - it's bloody cows and all that manky milk they keep squirting out of their cow-knockers.
Seriously, Heather Mills hates cows' milk so much that yesterday she went to Hyde Park's Speaker's Corner specifically to slag it off. Obviously, Heather Mill's attention-seeking rant was part of her new Viva vegan campaign that says global warming would reverse instantly if you stopped eating lasagne - but luckily Heather has an alternative plan for anyone who'll find it hard to become vegan straight away. Heather Mills wants you to start squirting rats' milk into your lattes from now on. And as devoted Heather Mills fans, that's what we're doing - in the office now we have up to a million rats strapped into Saw-style torture devices that do nothing but drain every last drop of milk from the rats' agonised bodies.
It's what Heather Mills would have wanted.
As Heather Mills is eager to acknowledge, if you take away the millionaire-marrying, the self-promoting, the instructional German pornography and the saying 'paedophile' in a funny voice, all Heather Mills has done for 20 years is charity.
And that's not going to stop now, even though all those bulge-eyed, finger-swiping TV outbursts from a couple of weeks back have left Heather Mills with about as much credibility as a charity spokesperson as, say, Jade Goody or Krang from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Anyway, Heather Mills' latest bit of charity work is a set of billboards for militant vegetarian organisation Viva, which is claiming that climate change is such a problem because you eat sausages now and again. Oh, and another billboard where Heather Mills blames the meat industry for her leg amputation. We think - we haven't quite worked that one out yet.
