She might hate hydrangeas, but she sure loves people throwing stupidly shaped balls around! That’s right folks! Madonna is totally going to be the halftime distraction at the next Super Bowl, or Super Bowl XLVI if you can’t count in English.
The Material Girl (we’re forced to use that description by law) will clutter up the pitch with a giant stage on February 5th in Indianapolis, which of course, is famous for a stupid car race, being almost square shaped and having virtually zero sidewalks. Stupid Indianapolis.
But at least they’ll get a massive American Football match and Madonna, eh?
Of course, this could all fall through as Madge has been rumoured to perform in two Super Bowls before (1998 and 2000) but she clearly couldn’t be bothered.
If it does go through, she’ll be joining a number of megastars who have performed on the Super Bowl pitch such as The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen and Janet Jackson’s nipple.
Last year, Americans witnessed the Black Eyed Peas prancing around in what was arguably the worst Super Bowl halftime ever.
EVER.
Naturally, Madonna will want to raise some eyebrows during her performances, so we suspect that she’ll take to the stage on a flaming crucifix while dry-humping a black Jesus, climaxing with the effigy of Lady GaGa getting stabbed by a hoard of gay men in PVC nappies.
That would actually be brilliant and don’t you dare pretend otherwise.
The football organization is keeping mum, with NFL spokesdude Greg Aiello (too many vowels in that surname) saying:
“We do not comment on the musical talent for the Super Bowl until we have something to announce”
Amazing words.
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