Usually when Lindsay Lohan leaves rehab, the LAPD puts itself on high alert in the knowledge that a drug-spazzed Lindsay Lohan will drive her car into the side of a building within days – but not this time.
That isn't because Lindsay Lohan won't get arrested for DUI again – we've got her pencilled in for two more rehab-preempting car crashes before Christmas – but because Lindsay Lohan isn't going back to Los Angeles. According to Lindsay Lohan herself, she's going to stay put in Utah for as long as she can now that she's out of the Utah-based Cirque Lodge rehab retreat. But don't take this as a sign that Lindsay Lohan will disappear from your life forever from now on, because while she's living in Utah Lindsay Lohan plans to work hard on her comeback, including a clawhammered banjo album about fruit-flavoured no-bake dessert products and a new movie tentatively titled Herbie Rejects All Caffeine.
2007 has been the year that Lindsay Lohan's life fell apart completely. If the movies she released weren't bad enough – and, since one of them was I Know Who Killed Me, we're pretty sure they were bad enough – then Lindsay Lohan's constant arrest/rehab cycle has tarnished her already non-exemplary reputation even further. So far this year Lindsay Lohan has checked into rehab, left rehab, denied anything was wrong with her, crashed her car drunk, went back to rehab, left rehab with a SCRAM anklet, got arrested for another DUI offence, told to spend a day in jail and then headed back to rehab again. How we longed for the simpler days when Lindsay Lohan would just shag a boyband and openly fantasise about the day she could go and shoot Iraqis.
But – and this is just a wild possibility – there's a slight chance that her stay at the Cirque Lodge rehab centre in Utah may have helped Lindsay Lohan a little bit. For a start, Lindsay Lohan didn't leave Cirque Lodge at the first opportunity she got, plus her spell in rehab has brought her back with her estranged father, which means that Utah has been good for Lindsay Lohan. So good, in fact, that Lindsay Lohan never wants to leave Utah ever again. USA Today reports:
Don't look for Lindsay Lohan on the Hollywood club scene — or any Hollywood scene — anytime soon. Just hours after leaving Cirque Lodge treatment center in Utah, Lohan tells OK! magazine (on stands nationwide Friday) that she's settling in the mountains. "I'm staying in Utah until it's time to shoot Dare to Love Me," Lohan says, "and then I plan on returning to Utah so I can stay focused and avoid other distractions."… But she's not saying goodbye to the Hollywood industry. "Absolutely not — never! I'm here to stay," says the actress, 21. "My talent is a gift, and I'm going to use it in the right way."
While Lindsay Lohan is far too rehab-fresh and vulnerable for us to suggest that her talent is the sort of gift you generally try and keep the receipt for, it does seem as if Utah has kicked the addiction out of Lindsay Lohan. That's a remarkable thing for the Cirque Lodge to accomplish – rumour is it's about to change its slogan to 'We Cured Lindsay Lohan! Now Bring On The Russian-Chechen Conflict!' – but an even more remarkable thing for Lindsay Lohan.
It's far too early to suggest that Lindsay is going to stay on the straight and narrow forever, but staying in Utah looks like a very wise decision for her to make. After all, look at the way the Utah people treated an angry midget in a stationary car – who knows how violently they'd react if a clueless girl crashed her car with drugs in her pocket anywhere near them.
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Viking Lumberjack says
I used to wonder why I moved away from Utah. The answer is now solved: it appears I have premonition abilities.
MOO COW says
Lindsay Lohan’s out of rehab?
Well atleast she was at the start of this sentence.