Lindsay Lohan knows that addiction recovery is best achieved by the setting of small, manageable tasks – that's why, now Lindsay Lohan is finally out of rehab, she can concentrate on beating her addiction to making films that nobody likes.
Anyway, the part of that last sentence you should have paid most attention to is the 'Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab' bit because, well, Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab. After spending more than six weeks at the Promises rehab facility in Malibu, Lindsay Lohan is finally ready to face the outside world, albeit with a bracelet around her ankle that detects alcohol consumption. It's a shame that Lindsay Lohan didn't take this precaution at an earlier age – not because an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet would have stopped Lindsay's life from spiralling out of control so dramatically, but because Just My Luck would have been endlessly more bearable if all the dialogue was covered up by an ear-shattering whooping booze alarm tied around Lindsay Lohan's leg.
These days celebrities will enter rehab at the drop of a hat, if they have a night out or just don't like gay people very much. So that's why someone like Lindsay Lohan deserves to be congratulated, because getting her into rehab was like stopping a charging hippopotamus with a pea-shooter. After years of semi-admitted bulimia and drug use and all sorts of behaviour that made William H Macy want to kick her ass, January saw Lindsay Lohan finally enter rehab with Mike Tyson. However, Lindsay Lohan emerged from rehab a month later like some sort of celebutante Rasputin declaring that she wasn't even addicted to anything in the first place.
But all of Lindsay Lohan's non-addictions – like her non-addiction to sitting round next to a load of drugs, her non-addiction to necking loads of OxyContin and her non-addiction to feeling a bit suicidey – came to a head when Lindsay Lohan crashed her car on drugs in May. And that's when Lindsay Lohan decided to give rehab a proper crack. But now, after spending her 21st birthday in rehab, Lindsay Lohan is finally out, as this statement from her rep reports:
"On Friday, July 13, 2007, Lindsay Lohan successfully completed her 45 days of residential and extended care treatment at Promises. She has transitioned to an intensive outpatient program, which includes attendance at daily AA meetings, outpatient therapy and daily testing. On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served."
Now the pressure will really be on Lindsay Lohan to stay clean for good. We don't doubt that she's able to do it – the alcohol ankle bracelet will help, as will her decision to return to rehab often for the rest of her life. What's more, Lindsay Lohan will probably also have the support of her on-off boyfriend Calum Best, who is also in rehab – although, from what we've been able to work out – he's undergoing treatment for being a gigantic wanker.
But we have every reason to believe that, away from the booze and the drugs, Lindsay Lohan has it in her to reach the absolute peak of her potential. That's right, we're talking Herbie Fully Loaded 2: Wacky In Waikiki here.
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