Lindsay Lohan has been to three different rehab facilities this year, turning her into something of an international joke; but Lindsay Lohan's smart enough to nip this pattern in the bud – so she's never going to leave this rehab, ever.
And by 'ever' we clearly mean 'this weekend'. Lindsay Lohan isn't leaving rehab this weekend. But she might sometime after that. Probably. Despite the rumours that Lindsay Lohan would be leaving the Cirque Lodge rehab in Utah within the next few days – presumably so she can inhale enough cocaine to fell a bear and then get arrested for crashing her car by Wednesday – Lindsay's mother Dina Lohan has denied these whispers completely. And, in other 'people not doing stuff' news, Janet Jackson hasn't done a tapdance for a duck, Paris Hilton hasn't bought a top hat with a propeller in it so she can fly around like Inspector Gadget and the one with the wet mouth from McFly hasn't discovered a new species of insect that only lives inside bras.
By nature, human beings naturally resist change, and that's something even more true for Lindsay Lohan than for everyone else. Lindsay Lohan hates change, which is why she's never made the change from making crappy movies to making non-crappy movies yet. It's also why she's so resistant to beating her addiction to drugs and alcohol in rehab. Sure, Lindsay Lohan may have been such a high-profile mess that she surprised nobody by going to the Wonderland rehab centre in January, but so strong was Lindsay Lohan's opposition to change that she came out, denied that anything was wrong with her and then crashed her car on drugs.
And just to underline that she's the same old adorable mess that she ever was, Lindsay Lohan then went to the Promises rehab centre, left again and went on a drug-fuelled car chase until she was arrested. But now things have changed and, hit with a one-day jail sentence, Lindsay Lohan went to the Cirque Lodge rehab centre in Utah and vowed to stay there until she was better.
(Incidentally, what's with these rehab names anyway? Promises? Wonderland? Cirque Lodge? We thought rehab was a facility where addicts go to spend tens of thousands of dollars a week to sit shivering in a dankly sterile room dosed up on a giant selection of controlled medication listening to the harrowing horror-stories of barely-there self-harming drug addicts, not a fucking Alton Towers theme zone.)
Anyway, it would seem as if Lindsay Lohan isn't fully better yet because – despite reports to the contrary – Lohan's mother Dina has denied that she's going to leave rehab this weekend. This Is London reports:
Lindsay Lohan's mother insists the troubled actress is not coming out of rehab, despite reports she is due to finish her treatment this weekend. Dina Lohan, who has just visited Lindsay at the Cirque Lodge clinic in Utah, denied she'll be making a comeback to the Los Angeles scene. In an email message to Access Hollywood, Dina wrote: "Not true, staying in Utah."
Of course, we've heard this sort of thing from Lindsay Lohan before – last time she was in rehab she signed up for its extended care program, only to end up getting arrested with bundles of cocaine in her trousers days later – so maybe this isn't the good sign that Lindsay Lohan's treatment is working that everyone thinks.
But, on the other hand, maybe it is – after all, if Utah can deal with a midget attacking the interior of his car it can deal with Lindsay Lohan – so let's hope that Lindsay will emerge from this clean and sober and clear-headed and ready to make a film that isn't completely worthles… no, we've gone too far. One step at a time, Lindsay.
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Mother Insists That Lindsay Lohan is Not Leaving Rehab – This is London
