Never has a girl needed the help of a magical car more – although it's been six weeks since Lindsay Lohan crashed her car, got arrested for DUI and went to rehab, it's being reported that Lindsay Lohan has just been arrested for DUI again.
According to police reports, Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI in Santa Monica early this morning after officers stopped her chasing another car. During the arrest Lindsay Lohan refused to take a Breathalyzer test, failed a sobriety test and was found to have all sorts of cocaine in her pockets. It's been a week since Lindsay Lohan checked out of her six-week rehab stay, by the way, so – working at this current speed and taking into account her fondness for troublemaking – we've estimated that Lindsay Lohan has probably been arrested for DUI another 83 separate times since you started reading this article alone.
There aren't many universal truths in life, by one of them has got to be 'don't ever let Lindsay Lohan near a bloody car ever again because she'll only get it stuck up a tree or something.' In the history of useless celebrity drivers – we're talking Britney balancing a baby on her lap and Paris getting arrested for drink-driving and Nicole driving into traffic on drugs here – Lindsay Lohan stands head and shoulders above everyone else as the absolute, hands-down, most shitheaded celebrity driver going.
Although she crashed her car in 2005 and crashed her car in 2006, 2007 looks like it's going to be the vintage year for Lindsay Lohan not being able to drive a car properly. In May Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI after she crashed her car; an event that promptly sent her off to rehab for the second time this year. While in rehab it was claimed that Lindsay Lohan not only had cocaine in her system when she crashed but was also a bit of a suicidal OxyContin addict on the sly, too. But then last week Lindsay Lohan left rehab kitted out with an ankle bracelet that monitors alcohol consumption, and she recovered from her addictions and went onto win several Oscars for her moving portray of a stripper in that film about strippers.
No wait, scrap that last bit. Instead of recovering from her addictions and winning an Oscar, we meant to say that Lindsay Lohan staggered about for a week and then got arrested for DUI again. Because that's what happened to Lindsay Lohan this morning, as MSNBC reports:
Santa Monica police Sgt. Robert Hernandez says Lohan was behind the wheel of a vehicle pulled over just after 2 a.m. on Main Street near the Civic Center in Santa Monica. According to police, she was chasing another car when she was pulled over. Officers determined she had been drinking and she was arrested for drunken driving and driving with a suspended license. During booking, cocaine was found in her pants pocket. According to KNBC, Lohan refused to take a Breathalyzer test at the scene but failed a field sobriety test. She reportedly did agree to take the Breathalyzer exam at the Santa Monica police station, which registered a .12. The legal limit in California is 0.08.
Following the arrest Lindsay lohan was bailed for $25,000 and will be arraigned next month. Coming four days after Lindsay Lohan was charged for her last DUI arrest, it's hard to really get a grasp of how stupid Lindsay Lohan has to be to get arrested for the exact same thing so soon after the last time. As our parents are fond of saying, we're not angry with Lindsay Lohan, we're just disappointed.
Oh, who are we kidding? We're laughing too hard to be disappointed.