January is the month for new year's resolutions, and Lindsay Lohan is no different – in 2007 Lindsay Lohan has vowed to stop being such a booze-spazzed ass-clown all the time, a resolution of such staggering enormity that only rehab can help her.
According to reports, Lindsay Lohan yesterday checked into a fancy rehab facility – the Wonderland Centre in Los Angeles – to kick whatever undisclosed problems she's currently battling against. But for a party-beast like Lindsay Lohan, getting entirely clean in a short-term rehab clinic is a big ask – maybe it would have been better for Lindsay Lohan to start off trying to fix something smaller, like vowing to make less films where all she does is spend an hour and a half solidly winking at a Volkswagen.
No matter what Lindsay Lohan does these days, she's battling against a mighty reputation. True, Lindsay doesn't do much to change her reputation – every call to the young to become more political is followed by a ridiculous urge to go Iraqi-shootin'; every claim that she isn't a party-girl is followed by a celebutante-inflicted party injury – but the reputation still stands.
That reputation, as if you didn't know, is the one that says Lindsay Lohan is an apparent bulimic drug-addict who can't drive a car without smashing it up and who is so universally disliked that her movie producers write her nasty letters, Jane Fonda slags her off and William H Macy wants to kick her ass. So how's a girl like Lindsay Lohan supposed to alter the public perception of her?
By kicking the booze, of course. Lindsay Lohan has tried to get sober before, by attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and having her appendix removed so that her body would reject any alcohol that comes in cellulose form. But now it's time for Lindsay Lohan to take the biggest step of all – a trip to rehab, as E! Online reports:
Lindsay Lohan has checked into a Los Angeles rehab center, E! Online has confirmed. "I have made a proactive decision to take care of my personal health," Lohan said in a statement released by publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnick. "I appreciate your well wishes and ask that you please respect my privacy at this time."… Us Weekly reported that the actor arrived Wednesday afternoon at the Wonderland Center in Los Angeles' Laurel Canyon neighborhood, pulling up to the facility in a blacked-out SUV.
And if you don't respect her privacy, Lindsay will get Al Gore onto you. The news that Lindsay Lohan has entered rehab has brought mixed reactions, with some commentators noting that a clean Lindsay Lohan would be more likely to untap her enormous potential and win the Oscar that she obviously craves. On the other hand, though, several LA bar owners are already shutting up for good upon hearing the news, knowing that it was only Lindsay Lohan's indestructible love of partying that put food on their tables.
Where do we stand on the matter? Somewhere between the two. While we're pleased that Lindsay Lohan is fighting her problems, but we know that we'll never have a lack of Lindsay Lohan news to feature – not as long as Lindsay keeps smashing her wrist, gashing her thigh, having debilitating asthma attacks or calling strippers "whores" and "cunts," anyway.