The Guinness Book Of World Records doesn't have a category entitled 'highest number of tragically amusing rehab stints within one year' but if it did you can bet that Lindsay Lohan would be the undisputed champion.
It's been reported that Lindsay Lohan has checked into rehab again – for the third time this year. Lindsay Lohan has apparently gone to Utah to check into the Cirque Lodge rehab facility in Sundance, Utah, to battle her ongoing addictions to alcohol, drugs, making useless films, acting like a dickhead all the time and having funny-coloured pubic hairs. As yet details of Lindsay Lohan's newest rehab visit are unclear, so as yet we aren't able to tell you if Lindsay Lohan has entered the Utah rehab facility to finally get tough on herself or if she's heard the urban myth that says if you go to one rehab centre in each US state you're allowed as much confiscated rehab cocaine as you can cram into your trouser pockets.
OK, OK, we know we said yesterday that Lindsay Lohan was staying in Long Island with her family, but that appears to have been a fat load of bollocks. In reality the truth is a little more newsworthy – Lindsay Lohan's only gone off to rehab again. It's a brave move for Lindsay Lohan, and one that proves that she's as determined to iron out her problems as she was the last two times that she's been to rehab this year, although hopefully without the bit afterwards where she nauses everything up like a wazzock.
Because – as well you all know – Lindsay Lohan has tried out this rehab game before. In January Lindsay Lohan went to rehab even though she was adamant that she didn't need to. And rehab fixed all of Lindsay Lohan's problems, apart from the one about getting drunk, possibly taking cocaine and driving cars into shrubs. That incident sparked off Lindsay Lohan's second rehab stay of the year in May, which she took more seriously – joining an extended rehab program and leaving with an alcohol monitoring bracelet on her ankle.
And this second rehab stint fixed all of Lindsay Lohan's problems, apart from the about getting drunk and chasing cars about with cocaine in your trousers until an arrest happens. Because that's what happened days after Lindsay Lohan was released from rehab. And, even though Lindsay Lohan says she's innocent, she's still likely to face a jail sentence for her repeated DUIness unless some pretty drastic measures are taken. And that means – you guessed it – going to rehab again. The Daily Dish reports:
Lindsay Lohan has reportedly checked into rehab in Utah. The actress, who disappeared from the limelight following her second drunk-driving arrest in three months in July, has entered the Cirque Lodge alcohol rehab in Sundance, Utah, according to U.S. sources. This is the third rehab facility Lohan has checked into this year after stints at Wonderland and Promises in California. The 21-year-old star is facing two misdemeanor charges of suspicion of driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license as well as two felony charges of possession of a controlled substance and bringing contraband into a custody facility.
Nobody knows for sure why Lindsay Lohan chose to go to Utah of all places to go to rehab. Perhaps Lindsay read Town & Country magazine when it called Cirque Lodge one of the best rehab centres in America, or perhaps Lindsay figured that she'd get better faster if she stayed out of LA. Or perhaps – as we secretly suspect – Lindsay Lohan saw the hard-ass way that Gary Coleman was treated by Utah locals last week and decided that confused, violent, jello-loving small-town folk would help her battle her addictions better than anyone else.
One thing's for sure, though – when Lindsay Lohan comes out of rehab it'll only be a matter of days before she screws up again, and then she'll need to find another rehab facility to go to in another state. The smart money's on Delaware, for what it's worth.