Articles tagged with: Stalker
We don't know for sure, but we'd imagine that Jesus was a very tall man with abnormally ginger hair and a slight blueish tint to his skin. Because we've looked at it from every angle, and the only explanation we can find for Conan O'Brien getting stalked by a Catholic priest is that the priest figured he was the actual son of God, which must also mean that The Masturbating Bear is John The Apostle or something, but we haven't really thought it through that far. Anyway, the important news is that Conan O'Brien's stalky priest, the Rev. David Ajemian, won't be going to jail. He has, however, been ordered to stay away from Conan O'Brien for two years, meaning that Conan's set for quite the hefty backlog of angry threatening letters written in blood come April 2010.
If you ever want to spook out John Cusack, why not write a love letter, sign it 'Emily Leatherman', pop it in a bag of screwdrivers and throw it at him?
Because that's what John Cusack's stalker did, and she was hit with a 500ft restraining order for her troubles. Not that she stuck to it, though - Emily Leatherman was arrested again on Sunday for getting too close to John Cusack's home.
Honestly Emily Leatherman has to be John Cusack's number one fan to get herself in so much trouble just to meet him. In fact, we'd wager that Emily Leatherman loves John Cusack so much that she's watched Serendipity more times than anyone else on Earth. So twice, then.
A man purported to be Tyra Banks' stalker has been freed by police a day after getting arrested - but don't worry, because he sounds a bit crap.
Brady Green is accused of constantly leaving phone messages for Tyra Banks, sending her flowers and letters and turning up at her TV studio unannounced. Which, you know, is hardly sending her dildos or drawing threatening cartoons of her.
Worryingly, though, Brady Green is back on the streets after police charged and released him. Obviously the sensible thing would have been to lock him away in a nuthouse because, seriously, we didn't think anyone liked Tyra Banks at all, let alone enough to actually follow her around and stuff.
Stalkers, it's time to raise your game - boxes of dead flowers and jizz-covered photos just won't cut it anymore, not now that Jodie Foster's stalker wants to blow up some airports.
OK, before we get too ahead of ourselves, let's make it clear that the man in question is only Jodie Foster's alleged stalker and that he's only been arrested on suspicion of threatening to blow up just one airport in a handwritten letter.
But either way, Jodie Foster gets all the luck, doesn't she. Never mind blowing up an airports, we'd be happy enough if someone just wanted to trump in a monkey's eye to prove their love for us.
Britney Spears has all the luck. Not only is she rich and in possession of all her marbles, but now a stranger keeps sending her parcels full of dildos too, the lucky cow.
It's been reported that Britney Spears has somehow managed to pick herself up a stalker. Not just any stalker either, but one who keeps sending her packages of sex toys, threatening porno letters and mutilated pictures of himself squirting an unidentified yellow liquid into his mouth.
The details of Britney Spears' alleged stalker have now been passed on to the FBI, which seems like an odd thing to do. After all, he sounds like a better catch than Kevin Federline.
Noel Gallagher from Oasis is currently under police protection after a crazed fan burst in on the band during recording sessions at - wait a minute, Oasis still have fans?
Weird. Anyway, where were we? Oh yes - as Oasis were recording their new album at Abbey Road studios, a crazed stalker type apparently tried burst in on them, spooking them so much that they've hired a team of policemen to guard the studio for the time being. Not much is known about the identity of Oasis' new stalker, although he reportedly accused Noel Gallagher of ripping off all his music and lyrics for the new Oasis album during the encounter.
With that in mind, police are seeking to question Paul McCartney, John Lennon, any of Slade or a time-travelling version of Noel Gallagher from 13 years ago.
