Uma Thurman is a strange creature isn’t she? Sometimes, she’s one of the most beautiful women you’ll ever see, yet, somehow, only seconds away from looking like a very ugly man. Still, she’s made a bunch of fun films so we shouldn’t grumble really.
She’ll be less grumbly today too. Why? Well, thanks to her being a famous human, she’s been awarded a stalker, which must be both gratifying and a royal pain in the arse.
However, Thurman’s stalker just got arrested, meaning that she can go about her business without fear of someone nailing a cat to her front door and phoning her up every 3 seconds and shouting “I’m playing with myself! I’ve got a noose ’round my neck! I really liked you in ‘Even Cowgirls Get The Blues’!”
So who is this stalker? We need to know his name, right?
Well, he’s called Jack Jordan. In fairness to ol’ Jacky boy, his name sounds like a ’70s footballer or someone who once wrote a song for Gordon Lightfoot or something. It’s a pleasingly unglamorous name. Obviously, being a massive loser, he’s grabbed his glamour vicariously via a famous person, leaving him to dream of having sex with them while drinking cocktails more colourful than his dreams.
If you didn’t know, Jack has already been convicted of stalking Uma in 2008. He displayed how to NOT capture a woman’s heart with impressive efficiency.
Basically, Jordan kept threatening to kill himself if Uma ever dated another man. Way to go Jack!
Of course, after all this gubbins, the police had to keep an eye on him. Sadly, for Jack, they managed to catch him ringing Uma’s mobile phone and office which violated a restraining order.
And so, the Montgomery County Police Department in Maryland paid him a visit at his home and arrested him.
Sadly for ol’ Jack, he couldn’t exactly claim his innocence. The police who arrived at his house claim that Jordan was literally googling Uma’s name when they arrived to the home.
The daft twat.
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T-Cake says
Uma’s “some of the time” status might even be added to her list of talents. Even back in the Pulp Fiction days, she could go from terribly pretty to just plain terrible-looking in a matter of seconds.