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Eamonn Holmes is a man famed for the legendary status of his gargantuan gob.
Not only is it capable of producing more crap than his backside on a day-to-day basis, but when it isn’t spewing verbal sewage it’s being stuffed with all manner of deep-fried goodies.
Well, let’s hope Eamonn has deep-fried his foot after he managed to, once again, get it firmly lodged between his gums during an interview on This Morning.
CONGRATULATIONS HUGH GRANT. You have had a baby. Is it with a prostitute? We don’t know! But the answer is definitely, irrefutably, unequivocally, probably.
‘Hugh Grant’s publicist’ (HAHAHA) revealed the news, yesterday insisting that honestly:
“He and the mother had a fleeting affair and while this was not planned, Hugh could not be happier or more supportive. He and the mother have discussed everything and are on very friendly terms.”
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
Some people think that the greatest threat posed by shape shifters is that they might turn into large dogs and eat you. Those people are right. That is definitely the biggest threat posed by those who shift their shape.
A lesser known problem presents itself, however, when the person with this magical ability is a hilarious prostitute. This, according to a Zimbabwean man arrested while humping a donkey, is exactly what happened to him.
Proud Englishman and former England captain, David Beckham, wants to become a U.S. citizen. If you listen very carefully, you can just about hear the disappointment emanating drifting over the ocean.
That’s right America! You can put up with his silly, squeaky voice from now on and we’ll all chortle as his voice becomes Americanised, replacing ‘rubbish’ for ‘trash’, dropping the odd ‘U’ from words and spelling ‘defence’ the American way – A.T.T.A.C.K.
And better yet, you’ll get to keep his wife Victoria all for yourselves. Read More >>>
It’s been quiet for the tabloids this week. Things have gotten so bad, they’ve been forced into covering politics! Admittedly their coverage of the Labour leadership has been more like the video for Two Tribes by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, but with Liam and Noel Gallagher cast as the cold war leaders.
There was such a severe dearth of decent celeb-stories for them to cover that The Sun reported the revelation that Kate Moss was taking Folic Acid, popular amongst hopeful and pregnant mothers, by having a page long banner calmly announcing “KATE’S ON ACID”.
The Daily Mail accused Madonna of being undignified and not acting her age because of some saucy Dolce & Gabanna pics, although when Helen Mirren is pictured scantily clad, it’s a triumph for the representation of older women everywhere. The Mirror decided to dedicate a front page to Coleen Nolan almost having her arm ripped off (known in some circles as not having her arm ripped off) when handling a pony, the content of which amounted to a more sober ‘ex-pop star breaks finger’ scoop. Read More >>>
David Beckham probably doesn’t like hookers. Not that one should suppose he takes personal umbrage with all hookers. But there’s one who’s singing like a canary to a tacky tabloid that he’s got to be at least mildly annoyed by.
David also doesn’t like to be heckled, hecklers. You’d do well to not bring up the call girl who, to be fair, David probably didn’t sleep with in 2007. You might get shouted at. Really loudly. In David’s totally not scary helium-inhaling-sounding voice.
David, for those out of the loop, is rumoured by an American magazine called In Touch Weekly to have a bit of a soft spot for the ladies of the night. Ladies who cost $10,000-per-night. The kind who twiddle their thumbs for three years before coming out of hiding to ruin your life. Ladies like 26-year-old Irma Nici. That tart – and we’re not just name calling because we’re annoyed we wasted our time at Heckler University to earn… not $10K-per-night. Read More >>>
Peter Crouch is a rare fish isn’t he? He’s about 60ft tall and 3 inches wide. He looks like Brassneck from The Dandy if he was made with straws by toddlers at a playgroup. Yet, despite all this, he’s a rather talented footballer.
Of course, him being a footballer means that he’s prone to monumental idiocy. After seeming like he was one of the good ones, answering “a virgin” when asked “what would you be if you weren’t a footballer?”, he went and shagged it all up by ALLEGEDLY have sex with a prostitute in Madrid.
You might imagine that Crouchistuta would be pretty angry at the newspapers for breaking that story… and he is indeed angry at them. Though, it appears that he’s not fussed about the whole ‘lady of the night’ thing, but rather, the fact that The Sun broke a story about his gal, Abbey Clancy, is pregnant. Read More >>>
Did you read The Dandy? Ever looked at Peter Crouch and thought to yourself “Ah! That’s what happened to Brassneck!”? No? You’re an idiot. Anyway, Peter Crouch has been a bit of a favourite amongst many because he’s seemed like a nice chap and owned that rarest of footballing traits – self deprecation. And then he stuck his long, thin penis into a prostitute.
Yes indeed, a man that was clearly continually punching above his weight was almost egged on by a nation because thanks to being nice, everyone wanted the lanky freakshow to get himself an attractive girlfriend.
However, like all professional sportsmen, he ultimately let us down by being acting like a spoilt dick. Read More >>>
