Peter Crouch is a rare fish isn’t he? He’s about 60ft tall and 3 inches wide. He looks like Brassneck from The Dandy if he was made with straws by toddlers at a playgroup. Yet, despite all this, he’s a rather talented footballer.
Of course, him being a footballer means that he’s prone to monumental idiocy. After seeming like he was one of the good ones, answering “a virgin” when asked “what would you be if you weren’t a footballer?”, he went and shagged it all up by ALLEGEDLY have sex with a prostitute in Madrid.
You might imagine that Crouchistuta would be pretty angry at the newspapers for breaking that story… and he is indeed angry at them. Though, it appears that he’s not fussed about the whole ‘lady of the night’ thing, but rather, the fact that The Sun broke a story about his gal, Abbey Clancy, is pregnant.
Indeed, the rag-top newspaper announced that Clancy (of no fixed talent as yet) is expecting a baby boy, claiming that she had been overhead talking about her 12-week scan in a restaurant.
This is supposed to be good news, right?
Well, Crouchinho has complained that the publication broke the news before she was three-months pregnant (something of a no-no) and, worse yet, they’d not even got ’round to telling all their family members.
Crouch said:
“I am very upset by the way in which The Sun has behaved. This is a private matter between me and Abbey and she is in fact less than three months pregnant. Abbey told me on 25 July that she was pregnant but we agreed to keep it private until she was ready to make an announcement.
“There were even some members of our families who were still unaware that Abbey is pregnant until today’s revelations in The Sun. I will not be saying anything more at this time.”
The footballer’s solicitor Graham Shear added:
“Peter Crouch today condemned intrusive Sun reporters who followed his girlfriend to a private clinic and eavesdropped and apparently recorded her private conversation in a restaurant. The Sun published a story stating that Abbey is pregnant, depriving her of the opportunity to make this public in her own time and in her own way.”
We can only hope that any babies that he’s about to have with prostitutes don’t get the same treatment, eh? Not that we’re saying there’s more babies out there.
IT’S MEANT TO BE A JOKE.
Oh, leave us alone. We can’t write properly anymore because we can’t stop thinking of Peter Crouch’s long, thin penis. It probably looks like a butcher’s pencil or something.