Did you read The Dandy? Ever looked at Peter Crouch and thought to yourself “Ah! That’s what happened to Brassneck!”? No? You’re an idiot. Anyway, Peter Crouch has been a bit of a favourite amongst many because he’s seemed like a nice chap and owned that rarest of footballing traits – self deprecation. And then he stuck his long, thin penis into a prostitute.
Yes indeed, a man that was clearly continually punching above his weight was almost egged on by a nation because thanks to being nice, everyone wanted the lanky freakshow to get himself an attractive girlfriend.
However, like all professional sportsmen, he ultimately let us down by being acting like a spoilt dick.
Whilst on a stag-do in Madrid, Crouchistuta apparently got sucked off in a taxi and then, to use footballer parlance, nailed a prozzer in a cheap hotel for ?1000.
Of course, the tabloids had a field day and couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it, just before the football season starts and England play a friendly against Who Cares?
Naturally, Abbey Clancy (his missus) was furious and probably said something like “I was doing you a favour you massive streak of piss! And you’ve blown it!”
Now she’s moving out of the home they share.
The Daily Star helped her to pack some of her stuff up, offering sagely advice on how to cope with a break-up. That, or they spied on her crying over the boxes piled up in the hallway of the Surrey mansion.
Clancy was yesterday shown being comforted by John Terry’s wife Toni, whose marriage to the Chelsea captain survived newspaper reports of his infidelity.
Oh, and click here for a picture of Brassneck.
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