Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
Some people think that the greatest threat posed by shape shifters is that they might turn into large dogs and eat you. Those people are right. That is definitely the biggest threat posed by those who shift their shape.
A lesser known problem presents itself, however, when the person with this magical ability is a hilarious prostitute. This, according to a Zimbabwean man arrested while humping a donkey, is exactly what happened to him.
When you’re drunk in a bar and a big toothed woman offers to turn a trick for seven leafy carrot-ends, it’s probably a good idea to get a second opinion from the bar tender. Had Sunday Moyo, a man from Zimbabwe, heeded this advice then perhaps he wouldn’t have been arrested while listening to Barry White with a decent-looking donkey.
He was in a bar, you see, and a human being prostitute made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. And now he has donkey-AIDS.
To be fair we didn’t actually read anywhere that Moyo has donkey AIDS, we just assume it to be the case as he was dallying with a whorish mule. He didn’t bopp the burro on purpose, though. According to him he thought he was making sweet love to a regular two-legged lady who was tied to a tree. In his own words (to a judge):
“Your worship, I only came to know that I was being intimate with a donkey when I got arrested.”
Now that may sound weird to you, but it isn’t. And it isn’t because of love. Real love – like the kind between a man and his wife, or in Zimbabwe, a man and various animals in his barn. See – Moyo goes on to explain:
“I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with (the) donkey.”
That’s the exact reason we always dry hump pizza boxes. Love.
You can’t help what you love. That’s why we’re considered legally married to a cheesy pie in 23 states.
Mother is not pleased.