Posts tagged as:

Pete Doherty

Guess what Pete Doherty has been arrested for?

by Mof Gimmers

Pus conveyor belt, Pete Doherty, has found the long arm of the law feeling his sweaty collar again. And you’ll never guess what it’s about…

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Pete Doherty Asked Politely Not To Get Caught With Drugs Again

by Matthew Laidlow

Back in the middle ages when disease was rife and we had to eat rat stew for supper, ones man’s literary vision entertained everyone. Back then Shakespeare was the most badass rock and roll writer in the UK. But have books remained the best way to capture the youth’s imagination? No, these days it’s all [...]

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Kate Moss Does The World A Bit Of Good

by Matthew Laidlow

Kate Moss is a model who has made her living by prancing up and down various catwalks in vile overpriced garments. She’s also a world leader when it comes to helping musicians record their worst material. Pete Doherty, The Lemonheads, Primal Scream – at one point or another, they’ve all decided that what their sound [...]

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Pete Doherty: Desperate To Get Back To Prison

by Alex de Moller

Mmmm, nothing beats the food at Wormwood Scrubs. Comfortable living facilities, a ready supply of pharmaceuticals and a quaint, gangland atmosphere make the place first choice for musicians on the downward spiral. It’s like the priory, but better! If you don’t mind people stealing your chocolate pudding or being gutted with a fork, it’s a fine and friendly [...]

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SHOCK NEWS! Pete Doherty in “Using Drugs” Scandal!

by Ian Dransfield

Hard as it may be to believe or even accept, authorities in Switzerland have confirmed that everyone’s favourite ‘death waiting to happen’, Pete Doherty, has been fined for a being a big drug-using drug user. The troubled poet – nay, genius – was found slumped on the toilet on a British Airways flight into Geneva [...]

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Pete Doherty Enlisted To Educate Our Future Generations

by Matthew Laidlow

The world is full of failed plans. Like when the Spice Girls reunited, had a fight and then thankfully faded back into the dark corner that they came from.

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You! Watch Pete Doherty Take A Soapless Bath Now!

by Shawn Lindseth

You’ve been waiting all your life. Go on, do it already! And for the record, this is something he recorded for the fans to show them all his majestic pre-gig rituals. You’ve been waiting all your life. Go on, do it already! And for the record, this is something he recorded for the fans to [...]

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Amy Winehouse May Need To Use New Delivery Service. Allegedly.

by Ian Dransfield

Think of some of the greatest jobs in the world from a purely money-making perspective and ‘Amy Winehouse’s drug dealer’ is sure to pop up near the top of the list. Maybe it would drop below the ranking of something like ‘supermodel massage artist who earns £500 a minute and is in constant demand’ or [...]

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Blake Will Pay You £20,000 To Make Doherty Bleed. Interested?

by hecklerspray staff

Blake Fielder-Civil, currently serving time in Pentonville prison, has allegedly offered another inmate £20,000 to beat up Pete Doherty, because he’s sure the singer is making love to his irresistibly impetigo wife, Amy Jade Winehouse Fielder-Civil. Twenty grand Blake?! Don’t be so fucking stupid. Hecklerspray will quite happily kick his drug-addled brain out for £3.50. [...]

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Who Stole all of Pete Doherty’s Money?

by hecklerspray staff

The Sun has reported that official NME hero and tortured genius significantly lacking in genius and overcompensating in torturing, Peter Doherty, is running out of money and is in the process of assembling “a crack team of crimebusters to sniff out where (it) has gone”. First of all, who knew The Sun could be so [...]

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