Hard as it may be to believe or even accept, authorities in Switzerland have confirmed that everyone’s favourite ‘death waiting to happen’, Pete Doherty, has been fined for a being a big drug-using drug user.
The troubled poet – nay, genius – was found slumped on the toilet on a British Airways flight into Geneva on Friday, possibly as a result of his ferocious intellect finally managing to overwhelm him.
Either that or he was offering handjobs for crack money and got a bit tired from all the wrist action, so decided to settle down for a little nap.
The 30-year-old was simply believed to be a bit pissed, before staff on the flight discovered a hypodermic syringe on Doherty’s person – don’t worry though, we’re reliably informed it was “wrapped in tissue” and probably thrown on top of the nearest bin in a playground.
Just to be safe, natch.
A passenger on the flight threw this nugget of pure, unadulterated knowledge the way of the London Evening Standard:
“He went to the bathroom more than halfway into the flight. He had been in there for about 25 minutes when the announcement came for the crew to prepare for landing.
“They knocked on the door but Pete didn’t come out. They eventually managed to get in 10 minutes before the plane landed.”
It’s unclear whether the passenger added “it only took me five minutes to have a wank earlier in the flight – I’m well better than that skag-faced berk”, but we like to think he did.
It’s been a while since Pete Doherty has featured on the pages of hecklerspray, which can only be a good sign for the overrated trilby-twat. While we hoped it was a sign he’d got shot of the smack (a pun!), it would appear that these particular demons haven’t left the Babyshambles bellend.
Which is a shame, as it means we’ll probably have to cover him more in the coming months and years.
Doherty was not held following the incident, with la Police cantonale de Geneve instead deciding it was fine to re-inflict the slurring moron on the general public.
This is clearly a covert act of war by the Swiss, and we at hecklerspray will not stand for such clear violations of their hometown convention.
Rolling war news will replace regular services.
Ironlung says
hopefully it will inspire him to write more tragic epics about albion, his lost love, and lots and lots of crack.
im kidding; i have no fucking idea what he writes about.
still, saying “lots and lots of crack” in relation to him just feels so right.
halo3v says
That pic is f@#*$ng priceless. They should use it in anti drug campaigns. all i know about the guy is that he is a to some nasty sh@3e, you hear his name you think crack.
Right on Ironlung
lol'd says
An overrated junkie shitehawk, and a shameful example to all of the “downside of high”.
Total media – circle – wank has elevated this wingnut to the status of newsworthy? Gimme a fuckin’ break.
He’s an arsehole. And I dont care how many psuedo-right-wing-attempting-to-sound-like-Oscar-Wilde-nationalistic-scribblings he comes up with in the future.