Mmmm, nothing beats the?food at Wormwood Scrubs.
Comfortable living facilities, a ready supply of pharmaceuticals and?a quaint, gangland atmosphere make the place first choice for musicians on the downward spiral. It’s like the priory, but better!
If you don’t mind people stealing your chocolate pudding?or being gutted with a fork, it’s a fine and friendly place,?like Disneyland for petty gangsters. Solitary confinement can only be a laugh?when you’ve got 12 personalities, a?catalogue of wussy tunes and a lot of time to kill.
We think that?only death could keep Pete Doherty out of prison. He clearly loves the jingle-jangle of jailhouse rock,?maybe why he was charged with?carrying class A drugs and driving drunk after his arrest in Switzerland three days ago. You can’t blame the guy for not having any sense, he spends most of his time listening to Joy Division in a parallel universe?inspired by?crack.
The Babyshambles singer?was arrested in Gloucestershire?last night for ‘driving erratically’?along with a 30-year-old woman, who was released without charge. He was remanded in custody and appeared before magistrates in Stroud this morning. He was scheduled to?play at the Derby Rockhouse tonight, but the gig has since been cancelled.
A spokesman said:
“He’s been charged with dangerous driving, possession of Class A drugs, drink driving and driving without a valid license and insurance.”
Tempting as it is to rip into Pete, we’ll leave that to the rest of you celebrity cannibals. We’ve decided to fool you all with a rare moment of journalistic and moral integrity (here today, gone tomorrow) and briefly?elevate ourselves above the other scum?that share our trade.
Pete Doherty is a drug addict.?He’s a laughable?anti-social mess, lost to a world of?hedonism, self-indulgence and?chemical ecstasy, a?poster-boy for?humanity gone wrong.??But still,?we laugh, glad that?we aren’t?him. Addicts can’t be?people – they’re?guilty?sacks of walking?flesh, victim?to their own?incurable weakness.
What’s sad is that nobody asks why. They?look on at the neverending?spectacle and?beg for more while?someone with?genuine talent, vision and?something to say pumps poison through their veins.?We love it, we can’t get enough and soon we can’t live without it, that wonderful floating eye that allows us to pass judgement on socialites and fools. We are the addicts. Doherty may be a smackhead, but we are far, far worse, for our addiction is abuse.
Wormwood Scrubs may be the answer, at least behind those massive?concrete walls no camera-wielding maniac?can steal your?likeness so others can?frown and say we told you so.