The world is full of failed plans. Like when the Spice Girls reunited, had a fight and then thankfully faded back into the dark corner that they came from.
Now, someone from the education board has decided that Pete Doherty – yes Pete Doherty – should give a lecture on life and love.
We really don't know what to say. Is this going to be a lesson to help students negotiate a good deal for a heroin wrap? It's pretty much like asking a Catholic priest to take a music lesson so he can make them sing like angels with his special instrument.
As we all know, Pete Doherty is the man from Hexham in northern England who buggered down to London and became a makebelief cockney. Whilst he was in the semi successful band The Libertines he decided it would be better for his own career by breaking into his bandmate’s house to score drugs and consequently destroy the project.
Subsequently, the band Babyshambles was formed and, true to the last word in their name, they really were that.
After two albums with a different band, Doherty has decided to launch his own solo album which will no doubt turn GCSE literature students into orgasmic messes. We can't wait to see what England?s wilted rose has to deliver. Because he's basically known for heroin, being arrested, going to prison and going out with Kate Moss, we believe something like this will appear in a future song/book/message written in blood.
?As I pointed the shiny needle up towards my arm I took two steps back and thought? wow Kate what nice knockers you have. Can we go and sip tea down by the river and ride on the heartstrings of the Victorian carousel? Together we can be together against the bloodstained sunset.?
We know, we should be commissioned to write a bumper series of oldie worldy books, but we can't be bothered. Honestly, we?d just get bored and just draw pictures of cocks and boobies on our notepads.
So, Pete Doherty has been asked to give a lecture on his life lessons on all things life and love. So where is this lecture being held? Is it in a fine educational establishment such as Oxford or Cambridge? No, it's actually being held in Dublin.
Now before you make any sort of jokes involving the Irish and being to pissed to realise what they've booked, you've got to remember that previous speakers have included Oscar Wilde, Bram Stoker, Helen Mirren and John McCain.
We don't know what get?s said at one of these fancy lectures, but if it's what we think its going to be like, people like Helen Mirren will no doubt talk non-stop about Nazis and cocaine abuse. Everything a student needs to know.
Julian Mentat says
I’m sure he has some useful tips to pass on, like “In bed, always put the wafer-thin supermodel on top or she’ll snap in two”
shooty* says
Seriously, I thought he was dead by now.
Mithaearon says
Damn it I made a news years resolution not to take the piss out of P’Doh this year only because I thought it would be an easy one to keep ’cause like shooty I thought he was “brown bread”. Damn it looks like I am going to break it now as Pete Doherty is a massive twat.
Oh and can you tell Amber to fuck off.
Ironlung says
is this the murder equivalent of saying “in that dress she was asking for it”?
P. Cosgrave says
It’s great to know that racism is alive and well. For your information Trinity was founded in 1592 by Queen Elizbeth I and is one of the seven ancient universities of the English speaking world. While you sneer Irish people, you semm to hold Oscar Wilde in some high regard. A bit of a contradiction don’t you think, considering he is Irish. You, my friend, are a muppet.
Mithaearon says
P. Cosgrave, yes yes that’s all well and good but it doesn’t detract from the fact that P’Doh is a twat.
Plus Matthew isn’t a Muppet (captial M please). He is more of a Fraggley-type thing. As Uncle Travelling Matt says:
“Fraggles are a noble race – fearless, dignified, and intellectual. They represent the very pinnacle of civilization and culture. A Fraggle is most assuredly the best of all possible creatures. Music is the greatest of the Fraggles
Shooty* says
Hi Mith! Long time, no blog. :)
P. Cosgrave says
Fair enough Mithaearon, Pete doherty being a twat excuses rascist comments. Makes perfect sense for a fellow rascist.
Ironlung says
Cosgrave sort it out. its not racist, its xenophobic. if you are going for pure unadulterated defamation of character at least do it right.
but, no, you are right; the last thing i would associate with the Irish is drinking. where would he have got that idea from?
p says
shame this writer cant seem to grasp the difference between “to” and “too” – not to play any games of “spot the grammar fool” but I would wager that even at his most cracked out, Doherty doesn’t screw up that bad.
Mithaearon says
p, no P’Doh doesn’t screw up that bad, he just gets strung out on drugs and breaks in to his band mates houses, or kicks a women in a shop, or sprays blood at a camera, but never would he miss an ‘o’ out of too, nothing is that bad!
Mithaearon says
Oh and Hiya Shooty* I have been around but havent posted much :D
Stedmond says
Lol ! it’s funny hearing people with no talent talk shit about Pete Doherty, who is amazingly talented.
the dude who wrote this is an untalented twat,
& so are most of you who are calling Pete one.
Also, the Libertines, were one of the best bands to out in the last Decade, they are Legends, not just merely “semi” successful, & the Babyshambles Rock. Who gives a Shit if he uses Drugs. so have a million other musicians ! they just didn’t have the parasitic paps, to deal with.
Nicola says
Trinity College is number 49 in the world!http://www.topuniversities.com/worlduniversityrankings/results/2008/overall_rankings/fullrankings/
I’m just back from Pete’s talk and it was inspiring. Not particularly when he spoke but each and everytime he picked up the guitar (which he had borrowed from his friend!) it said a million times more than words ever could.
hunch says
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/8466
I heard these classes are set up by professor’s or other students that need to make a buck and as long as the university gets its cut and enough people sign up its a go.
Ryso says
Maybe you should do a bit more research pal. Trinity College Dublin is not only the 13th best uni in Europe, but also it is where Oscar Wilde and Samuel Beckett attended. You Feckin Idjit