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Louis Walsh

X Factor Set To Ruin More Film Themes But Not If We Had Our Way

by Robin Darke

THIS WEEK! ITS TIME! TO SING! SONGS FROM MOVIES! And probably not do a very good job at them. It’s ‘Movie Week’ everybody. That’s song from films that have been released in the old cinema. Past year’s have had some truly terrifying performances, like Olly Murs waggling his penis to ‘Twist And Shout,’ Joe McElderry [...]

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X Factor Week 13 Review: Radio Argh! That Really Stings!

by Sophie Hall

trav·es·ty [trav-uh-stee] noun 1. A literary or artistic burlesque of a serious work or subject,characterized by grotesque or ludicrous incongruity of style, treatment, or subject matter. Remember that.

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Frankie Cocozza Booted Off X Factor For ‘Breaking Golden Rule’, Whatever That Means

by Mof Gimmers

Well would you believe it? Frankie Cocozza has been given the heave-ho from the X Factor, which means that all you people who hate him won’t have blood erupting from your eyes every Saturday night. Are you happy? Of course you’re not. Janet Devlin still exists with her faux-modesty, which is a crime far worse [...]

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X Factor Review Week 12: Review Disco Bullous Impetigo

by Sophie Hall

Have a nice time at the fireworks, did you? Ate a potato and wrote the F word with a sparkler, did we? Well – that’s quite enough satire for one day, guys. It’s a double elimination on the X Factor, and in a few weeks we’re going to have a professional musician on our hands, [...]

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X Factor Kitty Calls One Of The Risk Something Really Racist (‘Vote For Me’ Face)

by Mof Gimmers

The X Factor splits Britain into two camps. Those that despise it and those that don’t watch it. Those poor swine who don’t watch it can’t escape it. It’s everywhere, being rammed down your modem all the stinkin’ time. Anyway, here’s an article about the X Factor. AND IT CONTAINS RACISM! HURRAY! That’s right. The [...]

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X Factor Week 11 Review: The Khaki Horror Bitch Tableau

by Sophie Hall

Happy Halloween! Lots of love, The X Factor. And boy, what a massively inconvenient (or should we say SPOOKY) set of affairs the week offered up for Saturday Night’s show. These devastating (or should we say GHOULSOME!) happenings came in a threefold sequence throughout last week. 1. Kelly Rowland is for some reason angry and [...]

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The X Factor Week 10 Review: A Million Rocks Songs Later And Here I Am

by Sophie Hall

So, what IS rock music? Well guys, “rock” was a musical movement invented by Simon Cowell in the mid-2000s. A genre that was ostensibly about dancing but was in fact a thinly-veiled allusion to sex culminating from 50s blues riffs and a 4/4 beat utilizing a verse chorus form. To further delve into this cultural [...]

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Astounding News – Westlife Are Still Together! Wait… Who Are Westlife?

by Paul Pencott

Boyband no-hopers Westlife announced their intention to split up yesterday, astonishing a nation that had long since forgotten that the third-rate Boyzone-wannabees even existed. Ignoring the current music fad of reforming (we’re looking at you, Steps. And, to a MUCH lesser extent, you, Stone Roses) the PoundLand Take That have decided they’ll buck the trend [...]

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X Factor’s Craig Colton Is Sooooo Gay

by Robin Darke

It’s been a rather eventful for homosexuals this week. It’s been like a bad episode of Big Brother with people coming in and going out. Or like Frankie Cocozzo’s pee-pipe when he visits the GUM clinic. He’s probably had more pricks in there than George Michael has had hot cocks. Zachary Quinto, the World’s hairiest [...]

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X Factor Week 9 Review: You Can’t Hurry Love-Themed 2 Hour X Factor Programmes

by Sophie Hall

Hey guys. The X Factor’s still on. But that’s totally cool because the 100 Year War ran over a couple of decades too, and that was just as important, so not to worry. Those House of the Plantagenet dudes probably had issues connecting their own personal stresses in life to Lighthouse Family lyrics too. Oh, [...]

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