Boyband no-hopers Westlife announced their intention to split up yesterday, astonishing a nation that had long since forgotten that the third-rate Boyzone-wannabees even existed.
Ignoring the current music fad of reforming (we're looking at you, Steps. And, to a MUCH lesser extent, you, Stone Roses) the PoundLand Take That have decided they?ll buck the trend and actually call it a day. Tiring, no doubt, as they are of being mistaken for well-groomed squinty brick-layers with as much collective recognisability as the bloke who ?does the tampons? down our local.
And, we imagine, are finally admitting the fact that without gurning, pan-faced buffoon Brian McFadden they are as nothing. Not that they're bitter about that. Oh no.
A ?source close to the band? has provided a rich source of hilarity by stating that ?they're all loaded and don't need the money? leading sane people to opine ?we've all got ears and don't need to hear it?, whilst also stating that Shane (no, we don't know which one Shane is) ?is understood to have written some songs? and Mark (not sure either) ?wants to?.
Whilst the world reportedly quakes in anticipation at news of Shane ?writing stuff? and Mark ?really planning on doing the same if he gets around to it?, Westlife are also threatening a ?Best Of? record (we weren't aware anyone was producing EPs anymore) and a tour of the provinces next year. Without Brian, the only memorable member of the band.
Says Kian Egan (no, we don't know which one that is either):
“All the rumours about Brian rejoining Westlife are untrue. We have been a four piece for too long now. We love Brian but it’s not going to be. That includes any TV performances.”
Ouch. No-one even mentioned the telly. we're feeling the love for Brian.
Reports that, after next year, Westlife will take a look at your guttering and provide a free, no-obligation quote are currently unconfirmed.
zfbgcfgcf says
who ever wrote this article probably really love westlife
Tina White says
You really shouldn’t have stopped taking the happy pills Paul ! Regardless and unlike Westlife, nobody really knows or cares about you so guess you’ll just have to turn on some other rich and talented people to vent your hatred. Sad and pathetic really because it’s too easy for you to mock that which you know nothing about. Hmm, bet you kick puppies too !
Mangosta says
I’ll bet that Tina White is really a man or at least halfway through the gender realaignment process, has a penchant for rubbing himself with Bisto granules (original beefy flavour, never the chicken) while weeping and enjoys hanging around graveyards while dressed as Snarf out of Thundercats.
Tina is right! It IS easy to mock that which you know nothing about!
Tina White says
Gosh Paul, um I mean “Mangosta” – spot on ! But you’re wrong about the Bisto, I sometimes do use the chicken flavour however I’m not so chicken that I need to use an alias when making comments online.