Articles tagged with: Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson is now marketing something that kills your braincells on the notion that it's a 'smart' choice. The ironing is delicious. Though, let's face it, probably intentional too. Yes, the girl that did some stuff once, apparently, is the new face of the Stampede Brewing Company's beer that's supposed to be good for you, Stampede Light Plus. Which is, let's be brutally honest here, the dumbest thing that's ever happened. Both Jessica Simpson and the fact that a beer is marketed as being good for you. Putting vitamins in something doesn't make it a magical elixir that cures all ailments - it makes it a beer with vitamins in it. And as for the light tag - well, thankfully that's never taken off over here in Blighty. Good lord that would truly be hell on earth.
Now that Jessica Simpson's much-hyped acting career is lying twitching in the gutter, Jessica can now go back to her first love. No, wait - Jessica Simpson's first love is cacky reality TV shows that exploit her personal relationships with others, isn't it? OK, well in that case Jessica Simpson has gone back to her second love - music. And not just any music, either - Jessica Simpson has gone country, and she's marked the occasion with a concert at a festival in Wisconsin. But sadly, Jessica Simpson's country concert didn't go down well with the locals, who booed and jeered her for not being country enough. Now, if she'd have smashed her teeth up real bad and had sex with a blood relative beforehand, it would have been a different story altogether.
If there is one thing Hecklerspray hates, it's anything that lives underwater. Seriously, if God meant for those things to survive he would have given them lungs.
If there is another thing Hecklerspray hates, it's when celebrities wear T-shirts that look like they were made in a 7th grade home-ec class but with not one single fart joke on them. That's just such a waste.
Jessica Simpson though - she doesn't care what we think. Also she doesn't care what PETA thinks, what vegetarians in general think, or what Bruce Willis was thinking when he agreed to make that fourth Die Hard.
She might care what Pamela Anderson thinks though. Because Pamela Anderson thinks Simpson is "a bitch and whore."
Unquote.
Jessica Simpson says her dad didn’t fit her for her first training bra.
Let’s face it, no one ever thought that he did. In fact, we all went about blissfully without ever having thought about it at all. But now that the topic has been broached and your day has been ruined by the mental image, all we can think is “Joe Simpson fit his daughter for a training bra?? Ewwww...” That, and, “We missed a story about Joe Simpson fitting his daughter for a training bra??”
We apologise for missing such an important, vomit-inducing piece of journalism. It shall not happen again. We will be the first to supply you with details when Joe Simpson details accounts of fitting his daughter for her second and third training bras, as well as every subsequent regular bra up to the present.
Ask yourself this - is there anything really more romantic than an unconvincing on/off relationship between two people who you don't really care about?
Jessica Simpson doesn't seem to think so, because she's slap-bang in the middle of one as we speak and it's all she can bloody well carp on about. Jessica Simpson was on The View recently, and seemed weirdly determined to tell everyone how much she and her boyfriend Tony Romo love each other at suspiciously short intervals, despite constant rumours suggesting that they've split up.
Let's hope that Jessica Simpson isn't just staying together with Tony Romo for our sake, because 'Jessica Simpson Starts Crying Because She's Sad And So, So Alone' is a headline that we're itching to use, you know.
If you are a celebrity, and everything seems to be in the right place for you career-wise, the last thing you want is for PETA to come screeching in like a thousand angry bikers and start smashing things up. That's because in tinseltown PETA could absolutely ruin you with their opinions, their powerful organization and possibly by them printing a pamphlet about how you are the only meat any of them would ever eat - ever! Seriously though, if there's even a hint that you could die at the hands of self-righteous cannibals, big-name directors and producers won't even touch you. This is all horrible news for Jessica Simpson, who recently landed on PETA's poo-list for a t-shirt she opted to wear one day. Now her career is in shambles because of it, and she rues the day she found that pullover at Ted Nugent's family yard-sale. That or she doesn't care at all. Which 'click for more' closing-sentence would be more sensational?
It's been eight or nine seconds since our last Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo update, so you're probably flapping about like a cold turkey junkie desperate for more. No? You're not? Your interest in Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo's relationship is completely casual and you can stop reading about them any time you want? Stop kidding yourself, you've got a problem. Listen, if you're not addicted to Jessica Simpson news, then try not to read the next paragraph. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were spotted out eating dinner last weekend, prompting speculation that their relationship is back on. Yeah, that's right. We knew you'd read it. And we haven't even got to the part about Jessica Simpson apparently cheating on Tony Romo with Jared Leto, either. Addict.
Did you cry when you discovered that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo had split up? We sure did, but that was only because we were busy trying to take out our brain by ramming knitting needles up our nostrils just so we wouldn't have to hear about titting Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo all the arseing time. It stung, OK? Anyway, if you did cry when Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo split up then get ready to do a happy little jig - Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are back on! Or they might be back on based on one report of hand-holding! Or they aren't back together at all! Or they're forever doomed to a lifetime of unrelenting misery! Either way, let's all do a happy little jig anyway! Whee! We may have pierced the part of our brain that regulates inhibition! Wheeeeee!
