by Stuart Heritage
As a normal human being, you’ve probably spent the last few months fretting endlessly about Jessica Simpson.
Is she fat? Is she thin? Is she thinner but still a bit fat? If you waved a gateaux under her nose would she bite your arms off at the elbows to get it? These are important questions, and Jessica Simpson wasn’t answering them.
Now she has. Jessica Simpson performed a concert on Sunday in a tiny pair of Daisy Duke shorts, which means she’s either thin again or they’ve started making Daisy Dukes in massive sizes. Who can really say for sure?
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by Stuart Heritage
Now that Jessica Simpson is clinically obese, she’s going to see a whole lot of benefits – it’ll round out that troublesome jaw, for starters.
Oh, we’re just kidding. Jessica Simpson isn’t clinically obese – she just wore a bad pair of trousers once and hasn’t stopped acting offended because some people said it made her bum look big. Now Jessica Simpson has described the furore, saying that she’s OK because she “prays out loud”.
Incidentally, Pray Out Loud is the name of Jessica Simpson’s new single. Lucky it wasn’t called Cry And Eat Crisps A Lot, eh? That would have been really embarrassing.
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