The sixties were all about ?Free love?. The seventies was the age of great movie-making and music. The eighties was epitomised by consumerism and the 1990?s had er, the Tamagotchi.
Every decade becomes synonymous with a particular movement, fashion or mood. As such, the 2010?s (or ?Teens? as it's known to total idiots) will henceforth be known as the ?Decade Where People Broke Down Or Cried A Bit On Telly?. So far, we've had the usually stone-faced political spin doctor Alistair Campbell wobble on Andrew Marr?s BBC show and news that Gordon Brown gets emotional during his soon-to-be-televised interview with Piers Morgan. Though surely just hearing that the PM had to meet PM would have been enough to cause hysterical weeping on a grand scale.
Kicking off the ?Teens? ? sorry, 2010?s – Cry-O-Vision trend was of course the King of Hearts himself, Peter Andre. To celebrate the upcoming ten years of televisual tears, let's take a look back at that and some other celebrities secreting liquid from their lacrimal glands in response to emotional stress. Why? Because THAT?S ENTERTAINMENT?!
10 – Peter Andre
You’ve got to feel sorry for Andre here really, haven’t you? Cynically railroaded into getting upset by that cyborg Kay Burley. Still, consider his situation – crying on Sky News because Dwight Yorke‘s criticising you for adopting his child, while you fight a custody battle with your ex wife, Jordan. Who is now married to a martial artist transvestite. Ah, for the simpler days of Mysterious Girl…
9 – Angelina Jolie
Angelina shows her emotional side here as she, in absolutely no way tries to positively boost her public profile.
8 – Heidi Montag
Now she’s either crying in this clip or the botox is leaking. Either way, we love her here, don’t we?
7 – Ellen DeGeneres
With the experience Ellen has in being left by dogs, you might have thought that she could deal with this latest episode of canine desertion. That was a joke about Anne Heche by the way. Tee hee hee!
6 – John Terry
No list mocking celebrities would be complete at the moment without a mention of this chap, so representing the worlds of sport and adultery – here’s John Terry!
5 – Gwyneth Paltrow
There are plenty of fawning, over-the-top Oscar speech blubfests to choose from, but Chris Martin?s missus’s 1999 Best Actress acceptance is surely the most cringe-worthy of all.
4 – The Game
After being spurned by the majority of the hip-hop community for collaboration on a protest track about police brutality, The Game broke down and cried during an interview. Which is strange because we didn't know that The Game is a girl. That's right, Hecklerspray is dissing you, TG. Maximum disrespect.
3 – Britney Spears
Anyone suffering from an irony intolerance should beware of this clip as Britney cries to the media about being in the media too much. We all know that the real reason that she's crying here is that she's upset about people making fun of internet tantrum sensation Chris Crocker after all he's been through! ?LEAVE CHRIS ALONE!? She's practically screaming here.
2 – Jessica Simpson
In a staggeringly powerful moment of self-realisation, Jessica Simpson suddenly hears her own dreadful song and voice, then remembers that she slept with the massive bell-end that is John Mayer. Boo hoo indeed!
1 – Beyonce
Quite sweet actually, this one. She's lovely, isn't she? If anyone has her number, can you please leave it in the comments section below please? Don't worry about Jay-Z, he's a girl. That's right, Hecklerspray is dissing you too, JZ. Maxi? etc.
So there you have it. Enjoy that? Yeah you’re right, it was a little depressing.
Next week: TOP 10 Genocides!
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charlies says
hi! i’m a 40 year old male. i don’t like Heidi Montag. I think she is ugly, boring, whiny, disgusting. I REALLY wish her 15 minutes would be up. They should be almost up…right?