Articles tagged with: Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo: The Dream You Forgot You Had Is Over
If you like women with an uncomfortable obsession with their own body image, or sport or whatever, look away now. Because Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo - the leading proponents of those two things - have split up. But wait, it gets worse - according to reports, Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson the day before her 29th birthday. That doesn't seem like a particularly nice thing to do, does it? But wait, it gets even worse - Jessica Simpson never even got the opportunity to shill out her relationship with Tony Romo in a badly-made, ethically-questionable MTV reality show. That's the real tragedy here.
If you like women with an uncomfortable obsession with their own body image, or sport or whatever, look away now. Because Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo - the leading proponents of those two things - have split up. But wait, it gets worse - according to reports, Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson the day before her 29th birthday. That doesn't seem like a particularly nice thing to do, does it? But wait, it gets even worse - Jessica Simpson never even got the opportunity to shill out her relationship with Tony Romo in a badly-made, ethically-questionable MTV reality show. That's the real tragedy here.
Jessica Simpson Makes A TV Show All About How Fat She Is
Jessica Simpson knows how to react when life hands her a lemon. She eats the lemon, then shakes life by the shoulders screaming "More lemons! MORE LEMONS!" And then she runs off and holds up a Krispy Kreme outlet at gunpoint and orders one of the staff to help her chug an entire day's worth of glaze in one go right from the machine. Because, you see, Jessica Simpson is fat. OK, Jessica Simpson isn't fat. But one photo taken months ago made her look slightly fatter than usual. So Jessica Simpson is making a TV series about it. Seriously.
Jessica Simpson knows how to react when life hands her a lemon. She eats the lemon, then shakes life by the shoulders screaming "More lemons! MORE LEMONS!" And then she runs off and holds up a Krispy Kreme outlet at gunpoint and orders one of the staff to help her chug an entire day's worth of glaze in one go right from the machine. Because, you see, Jessica Simpson is fat. OK, Jessica Simpson isn't fat. But one photo taken months ago made her look slightly fatter than usual. So Jessica Simpson is making a TV series about it. Seriously.
Hooray! Jessica Simpson Isn’t Quite As Fat As She Used To Be
As a normal human being, you've probably spent the last few months fretting endlessly about Jessica Simpson. Is she fat? Is she thin? Is she thinner but still a bit fat? If you waved a gateaux under her nose would she bite your arms off at the elbows to get it? These are important questions, and Jessica Simpson wasn't answering them. Now she has. Jessica Simpson performed a concert on Sunday in a tiny pair of Daisy Duke shorts, which means she's either thin again or they've started making Daisy Dukes in massive sizes. Who can really say for sure?
As a normal human being, you've probably spent the last few months fretting endlessly about Jessica Simpson. Is she fat? Is she thin? Is she thinner but still a bit fat? If you waved a gateaux under her nose would she bite your arms off at the elbows to get it? These are important questions, and Jessica Simpson wasn't answering them. Now she has. Jessica Simpson performed a concert on Sunday in a tiny pair of Daisy Duke shorts, which means she's either thin again or they've started making Daisy Dukes in massive sizes. Who can really say for sure?
Jessica Simpson Addresses Her Weight, Except Not Really
Now that Jessica Simpson is clinically obese, she's going to see a whole lot of benefits - it'll round out that troublesome jaw, for starters. Oh, we're just kidding. Jessica Simpson isn't clinically obese - she just wore a bad pair of trousers once and hasn't stopped acting offended because some people said it made her bum look big. Now Jessica Simpson has described the furore, saying that she's OK because she "prays out loud". Incidentally, Pray Out Loud is the name of Jessica Simpson's new single. Lucky it wasn't called Cry And Eat Crisps A Lot, eh? That would have been really embarrassing.
Now that Jessica Simpson is clinically obese, she's going to see a whole lot of benefits - it'll round out that troublesome jaw, for starters. Oh, we're just kidding. Jessica Simpson isn't clinically obese - she just wore a bad pair of trousers once and hasn't stopped acting offended because some people said it made her bum look big. Now Jessica Simpson has described the furore, saying that she's OK because she "prays out loud". Incidentally, Pray Out Loud is the name of Jessica Simpson's new single. Lucky it wasn't called Cry And Eat Crisps A Lot, eh? That would have been really embarrassing.
Jessica Simpson Literally Cannot Sing
Fans in Grand Rapids, USofA, were treated to a Jessica Simpson concert with a wonderful twist: she didn't sing the songs. A recent appearance in a hilarious comedy fatsuit, and now deciding to not sing her own songs during her own concert. We applaud you, Jessica Simpson, for your refusal to let convention dictate how a sexy popstar should behave.
Fans in Grand Rapids, USofA, were treated to a Jessica Simpson concert with a wonderful twist: she didn't sing the songs. A recent appearance in a hilarious comedy fatsuit, and now deciding to not sing her own songs during her own concert. We applaud you, Jessica Simpson, for your refusal to let convention dictate how a sexy popstar should behave.
Jessica Simpson Thanks The Fans She Hasn’t Eaten Yet
Jessica Simpson may have been mercilessly teased about her weight gain, but she knows what's important. Cakes. Cakes are important to Jessica Simpson. And Big Macs. And, more relevantly to this story, fans. All through Dumpygate, Jessica Simpson's fans have been right there for her. And last night Jessica thanked her fans by performing a concert, where she told them that sometimes people wrongly focus on pointless things. And since nobody would have heard of Jessica Simpson were it not for that awful TV show about her inherent lack of marital intelligence, we're taking her as an expert on pointlessness.
Jessica Simpson may have been mercilessly teased about her weight gain, but she knows what's important. Cakes. Cakes are important to Jessica Simpson. And Big Macs. And, more relevantly to this story, fans. All through Dumpygate, Jessica Simpson's fans have been right there for her. And last night Jessica thanked her fans by performing a concert, where she told them that sometimes people wrongly focus on pointless things. And since nobody would have heard of Jessica Simpson were it not for that awful TV show about her inherent lack of marital intelligence, we're taking her as an expert on pointlessness.
Fat Jessica Simpson Is Sexy, Says Wrong Kim Kardashian
Jessica Simpson sang These Boots Were Made For Walking, even though This Mouth Was Made For Gorging is probably more accurate. Or, you know, These Thighs Were Made For Crushing Cars. Or something. Basically, Jessica Simpson has got a little bit fat, and everyone's talking about it. Thanks to a couple of unflattering pictures taken last weekend, people now refer to Jessica Simpson as Heifer-ca Simpson, Jessica Not-Thinson or Jessica Simpsonofabitchyougotfat. Or maybe we made those up. We're not telling. Anyway, now Kim Kardashian has said that Jessica Simpson looks 'hot'. That's because she's insulated by fat, you insensitive bitch.
Jessica Simpson sang These Boots Were Made For Walking, even though This Mouth Was Made For Gorging is probably more accurate. Or, you know, These Thighs Were Made For Crushing Cars. Or something. Basically, Jessica Simpson has got a little bit fat, and everyone's talking about it. Thanks to a couple of unflattering pictures taken last weekend, people now refer to Jessica Simpson as Heifer-ca Simpson, Jessica Not-Thinson or Jessica Simpsonofabitchyougotfat. Or maybe we made those up. We're not telling. Anyway, now Kim Kardashian has said that Jessica Simpson looks 'hot'. That's because she's insulated by fat, you insensitive bitch.
No! Jessica Simpson’s Hairdresser Slightly Injured By A Camera
Sad news- in fact, this is probably the saddest news about one of Jessica Simpson's hairdressers that we've heard in over a month. We can hardly bring ourselves to tell you this, but here goes - on Saturday night, Jessica Simpson's hairdresser Ken Paves got caught in the middle of a paparazzi crush while out with Simpson, and ended up bleeding out of his face a little bit because he got socked with a camera. This incident is a sign that the war between celebrities and the paparazzi has just taken a turn for the worse. Jessica Simpson's hairdresser getting donked in the face is how it begins, but we dread to think what'll come next. Lindsay Lohan's manicurist getting kicked in the shins? The little old lady who Ryan Seacrest employs to water his plants getting a nasty Chinese burn and a wedgie? Where will the madness end? WHERE?
Sad news- in fact, this is probably the saddest news about one of Jessica Simpson's hairdressers that we've heard in over a month. We can hardly bring ourselves to tell you this, but here goes - on Saturday night, Jessica Simpson's hairdresser Ken Paves got caught in the middle of a paparazzi crush while out with Simpson, and ended up bleeding out of his face a little bit because he got socked with a camera. This incident is a sign that the war between celebrities and the paparazzi has just taken a turn for the worse. Jessica Simpson's hairdresser getting donked in the face is how it begins, but we dread to think what'll come next. Lindsay Lohan's manicurist getting kicked in the shins? The little old lady who Ryan Seacrest employs to water his plants getting a nasty Chinese burn and a wedgie? Where will the madness end? WHERE?
