In the latest “they’re just like us, you know” news, George Clooney has given an interview to The Hollywood Reporter, where he grumbles on and on like an interminable granddad who has no compunction making a story about chutney go on for twenty minutes without even a whisper of punchline.
We’re not sure why we’re surprised, really. He is 50 after all, and no matter how many money-shakes he drinks or money-shoes he wears, he’s still going to end his day weeping softly into a pair of perfect model-boobs.
So we should all feel very very sorry for him. Very sorry indeed. Poor old Clooney.
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The good looking version of Herman Munster, George Clooney, has used his charm to get a lot of things in his life. If you believe the rumours, his charm has worked best on throwing people off the scent that he might be gay.
We’ve no idea if he’s gay or not and don’t rightly care. That’s because he’s a massive slag either way.
How so? Well, what happened to you when you found out you didn’t get tickets for some stupid event at the London 2012 Olympics? You basically looked into your lap, dejectedly, and thought ‘that’s that then’. Clooney is a star though. He can slag it up in the media asking for a freebie.
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Hey! The Golden Globe nominees have been announced! Isn’t that amazing? Your day just went from pretty average to spectacular on the waft of a bunch of nominations for a bunch of actors who barely know you exist!
Tip top stuff.
Two veritable strangers to us all are having a particularly good day today, namely, Ryan Gosling and George Clooney. Everyone in Hollywood loves them. Loves them hard. The little bestubbled, preening, walking piggy banks!
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Hey! You know who is so sexy it hurts? No. Seriously. So sexy that every alluring move of any body part results in absolute agony? Yeah. That sexy. Really violently sexy. Eruptingly sexually sexy?
Bradley Cooper!
Yeah. You thought we were going to say Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt or George Clooney didn’t you? You may have even thought about the amazingly gormless looking Ryan Gosling. BUT NO! Sexier than all of those put together, sexier than a French accent, sexier than a well-lit porn film is Bradley ‘Sexiest Man On Earth’ Cooper! Who-per?
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Impressionists. It’s hard to know whether to laugh at them or kill them by strangling them with their own vocal chords.
Alas, they’re not all idiots. Some are rather good and inventive with it. Of course, most aren’t. Most are jarring nincompoops.
However, one chap has an A-to-Z of celebrity impressions and, while some aren’t too hot, some are really, really great.
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In Hollywood, it seems that only marriage to a member of the opposite sex will stop people from assuming you’re gay, despite the fact it seems that your member has been in-and-out of a staggering amount of eligible beautiful women. We are, of course, talking about George Clooney, as the headline already told you.
Of course, there’s those of you who will be thinking “Ah! The gay doth protest too much!”, which won’t be helped by the fact that one of Clooney’s mates has pop his head ’round the door and said ‘He’s definitely not gay y’know?’
We didn’t bloody ask if he was! Now you’ve gone and made him look all gay! And now you’ve made us look like his gayditude is something of an issue! PISS OFF.
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There was a distinct dampness in the air around the world last night. Meteorologists struggled to explain the phenomenon which seemed to emanate from the Hollywood hills. However, when it was officially announced that Hollywood heart-throb and all round photogenic guy George Clooney and his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis had parted ways the meteorologists were allowed to go home as the explanation was suddenly self-explanatory.
The actor, who played Danny Ocean in the surprisingly good remake of Ocean’s 11 (and its subsequent awful successors), and the Italian actress who began dating two years ago, issued a joint statement declaring that they were “not together any more” which will no doubt lead to a surge in the number of missing women the world over as they run away to stalk the chiselled star.
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For some reason, people are under the impression that George Clooney is going to run for office. If he did, he couldn’t be a Democrat because he’s too laid back, even for them. He certainly couldn’t be a Republican because he doesn’t seem mentally challenged in some way.
Clooney would have to start a new party to liven up American politics – The Irritatingly Suave Party.
Their manifesto would involve teaching youngsters how to raise their eyebrows in a suggestive manner, the ability to make inanimate objects have orgasms and of course, the ability to drink bong water. What? Well, ask Clooney yourself.
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