Someone put Beyoncé in protective custody until midnight on December 31st, because 2016 is officially the year that everything good has been FUCKING DESTROYED. I know some of you might be thinking I’m super delayed in writing about the Brangelina divorce, but please understand that this really blindsided me and I’m dealing with a lot of emotions right now.
Yesterday, after 11 beautiful years together and 2 years of wedded bliss, Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt. If Beyoncé files for divorce from Jay Z this week you can all go right ahead and make arrangements for my funeral because I will be fucking DONE.
In my 3 years of writing this blog, this is honestly the hardest thing I’ve had to write about. Ok, that’s not true, I’ve legit lost sleep over all that Brock Turner and Nate Parker bullshit because rape culture keeps me up at night, but this is definitely top 3 hardest things I’ve ever had to blog about.
After filing yesterday, Angelina’s people released this statement:
Angelina Jolie Pitt has filed for the dissolution of the marriage. This decision was made for the health of the family. She will not be commenting at this time, and asks that the family be given their privacy during this time.
Apparently Brad (and the rest of the world) was totally blindsided by Angie’s divorce filing.
Weirder still, Angie is seeking full custody of their 6 kids.
There are a ton of rumours swirling around about why this terrible tragedy is happening to me: Brad cheated with Marion Cotillard, Brad has anger issues and problems with weed and alcohol, Angelina doesn’t agree with Brad’s parenting style and can’t take it anymore, Jennifer Aniston’s voodoo curse finally worked after all these years, etc etc.
I am literally so hurt and confused right now, I don’t know what to make of any of this. 2016 has been such a horrible year for so many of us, I just really can’t understand why Brad and Angelina are doing this to me right now. Like, I have a full-time job, I just started my second Masters program, I have a toddler, I mean…I have a lot on my plate and I’m pretty stressed out, I really did not need this right now.
You can’t just break up, Brangelina. That isn’t how things work. We have to discuss this, or you could have at least given me a heads up. YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST GIVEN GEORGE CLOONEY A HEADS UP!
Seriously, did you guys see the look on George Clooney’s face yesterday when CNN asked him about Brangelina’s divorce?!
HE HAD NO IDEA!
The only, ONLY silver-lining for this whole atrocity is that somewhere out there, Jennifer Aniston is probably making this face:
As for me, I would really appreciate my privacy during this difficult time…