Make the most of Lindsay Lohan acting like a prize twat at any chance she gets, folks, because you've only got another ten years of it – because that's when Lindsay Lohan will get married and settle down, she says.
Don't panic though. For one, ten years is a long period of time for Lindsay Lohan to keep getting in trouble – and Lindsay Lohan can get in more trouble in a millisecond than you can in a whole year – and secondly, Lindsay Lohan has said that she wants to win an Oscar within the next ten years, too. Now that's a very short timespan to lobby the Academy to start including a Best Performance By An Annoying Skinny Girl In A Film About A Zany Car With An Adorable Personality category.
Lindsay Lohan is a notoriously private actress, and an enigma to everyone she meets. It's true; apart from possibly having sex with McFly, preparing to have lesbian sex with Keira Knightley, loudly proclaiming she wants to take a gun to Iraq, having $1 million dollars of jewellery stolen in an airport and breaking her wrist, what has Lindsay Lohan actually done lately?
To clear up the shadowy world that is her life, Lindsay Lohan has given an interview to InStyle magazine. Luckily, the interview wasn't comprised of Lindsay Lohan dumbly flapping about politics and was more focused on her life – especially where she wants to be in ten year's time:
"I want to get married before I'm 30. And have my house. And make the kind of record I want. And I'd like to win an Oscar before then. Owning a house will make me very proud. I need a place to call home, to feel it's mine. I love to cook. My grandmother is Italian. I'm pretty practical. I'm a very domestic person."
Read that quote again in the voice of Rain Man and tell us it isn't the funniest thing you've done all day. Anyway, in addition to wanting to do all that stuff, Lindsay Lohan took the chance to give her side of the whole Georgia Rule dehydration affair. You'll remember that Lindsay Lohan went to hospital because she was dehydrated during the filming of Georgia Rule, only for her studio boss to give her a bollocking in the form of a letter, something which annoyed the arse off Linday's Mum. Here's how Lindsay Lohan described the events:
"I tried to please my friend and I ended up getting sick. It's about learning to say no more than yes. I'm a people-pleaser. But you can't always make everyone happy."
And that's a lesson that Lindsay Lohan has given herself ten years to learn. Let's all hope that by the year 2016 Lindsay Lohan has settled down and stopped being the annoyingly ubiquitous starlet she is now, if only because William H Macy will be 66 by then, so he'll be far too old to kick Lindsay Lohan's arse if she hasn't.
Read more:
Lindsay Lohan: I Want To Be Married By 30 – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]