Is it just us, or does everyone else think that all Lindsay Lohan movies ever would be vastly improved if the Lindsay Lohan character started violently slashing away at her wrists with a large knife at inopportune moments? Just us?
Actually it doesn't matter that Freaky Friday didn't feature a startling wrist-slashing scene because Star magazine is reporting that Lindsay Lohan's real life has been peppered with all kinds of faintly disturbing suicide attempts recently, culminating in Lindsay Lohan's possibly drug-fuelled car crash and rehab re-entry this weekend. Needless to say, if any of these reported Lindsay Lohan suicide attempts had been successful, the loss felt in the entertainment world would have been profound – especially in the under-represented 'magical cars who wink with their headlights, can somehow beat the basic laws of physics and become sexually attracted at the sight of other cars' community.
Some friends of Lindsay Lohan have reported that Lindsay has recently attempted suicide, and – if true – we really should have seen it coming. Usually we're pretty good at spotting potential suicide cases, but Britney Spears spoilt it all. Thanks to her, we're now oblivious to all suicide attempts that don't start with tear-soaked head-shaving and end with head-painted declarations of being the most evil entity in the universe.
But behind everyone's back, Lindsay Lohan was apparently trying to kill herself. Because Star magazine said Lindsay Lohan has been trying to kill herself, and Star magazine is never wrong. Hollywood.com reports:
The source tells the publication, "She grabbed a knife and started cutting at her wrists. A friend made her stop. Lindsay ran into the bathroom with a bottle of Advil." The insider then claims the actress locked herself in the bathroom and threatened to swallow the entire bottle unless she was left alone.
Looking back now, it was sort of obvious that Lindsay Lohan was trying to commit suicide, because all the signs were there. Lindsay Lohan went to rehab and then steadfastly refused to admit she had a problem. Papers started printing pictures of what appeared to be Lindsay Lohan at toilet-based cocaine parties. Reports came through of Lindsay Lohan screaming at Callum Best in a hotel lobby. Then, finally, Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI after she crashed her drug-filled car before scuttling off to rehab.
Maybe some of Lindsay Lohan's mishaps over the years were suicide attempts, too – perhaps Lindsay Lohan was trying to kill herself when she slashed her leg on a teacup or when she fell and smashed her wrist, or when she got asthma in Miami. And why would Lindsay Lohan – the most beautiful girl in the word – want to kill herself anyway? We're no psychologists, but we've traced Lindsay Lohan's slide back to the moment when she possibly had sex with McFly, on the basis that that'd probably make us want to kill ourselves too.
But if these stories about Lindsay Lohan's suicide attempts are true, then let's hope she gets the help she obviously requires to find her feet again. Failing that, Lindsay Lohan could at least try to learn how to attempt suicide in more amusing ways than with boring old knives and Advil. Britney Spears set the bar pretty high with the antichrist thing, you know.
Read more:
Lindsay Lohan's Friends Come Forwards With Suicide tales – Hollywood.com
AR says
“Most beautiful girl in the world”? You have to be kidding me. She’s cute, but come on.
Mithaearon says
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AR Says:
“Most beautiful girl in the world”? You have to be kidding me. She’s cute, but come on.
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Thats Maxim readers for you, they say right hand action damages your eye sight….