When Heather Mills signed up for Dancing With The Stars, it was obviously a ploy to change the public perception of her from 'Heather Mills The Greedy Fool' to 'Heather Mills The Greedy Fool Who Does A Little Dance From Time To Time' – it's worked.
Even though most people expected Heather Mills to get the chop from Dancing With The Stars almost immediately due to the cruel combo-hit of a) only having one leg and b) being almost universally disliked by everyone – it seems like Heather Mills is powering into a prime position on Dancing With The Stars. And Heather Mills' popularity on Dancing With The Stars was strengthened this week when she managed to pull off a perfect backflip during her routine to Mambo Italiano. It's thought that Heather Mills picked up her amazing dexterity during her marriage to Paul McCartney, where she'd often have to backflip out of a room when he started attacking her with glassware. Well, either that or Heather Mills picked it up when she was a prostitute. If she was a prostitute. Which Heather Mills says she wasn't. So that's that cleared up.
If we were Heather Mills, we'd have signed up for Dancing With The Stars too, if only to just take our minds off everything else. There's nothing that makes you forget about being told off by the police and not being liked by Rod Stewart quicker than wearing a spangly frock and trying to force your mouth up at the ends to give the impression that you're used to smiling while trying to dance at least as well as that Achy Breaky Heart bell-end.
So while Paul McCartney takes his mind off his High Court divorce by signing up with Starbucks, Heather Mills has done the same by signing up with Dancing With The Stars. Initially it was assumed that Heather Mills would be useless at Dancing With The Stars thanks to her one leg, but on this week's show Heather Mills bagged herself a mighty score by doing a backflip, as The Sun reports:
Wearing a green sequined catsuit, she stunned the panel by nailing the tricky move as part of a hip-wiggling mambo. They awarded her an impressive score of 24 out of 30, in Week Two of the US version of Strictly Come Dancing. Choreographer Carrie Ann Inaba said: “What in the world? I’m just so blown away by you.” She continued: “The level of difficulty in that routine was far higher than anyone else’s routine tonight. You nailed it!”And Bruno Tonioli exclaimed: “Beyond any expectation! Red hot Heather — I can’t believe it.”… Heather, dubbed Lady Mucca over her porn past, was even wildly cheered on by Robbie Williams, who was in the show’s audience. She said: “It was great to let go and show people the other side of me — the prankster side.”
Her prankster side? We've already seen Heather Mills' prankster side before – by the way she enjoys playing pranks like pointing at a pig in a crate and wearing mink coats despite being an animal rights campaigner and hilariously demanding £10,000 a day from Paul McCartney as part of her divorce – but Heather Mills doing a dance move on a TV show about dancing hardly counts as a prank, does it? Now, if Heather Mills had done a backflip and then made up a story about her dance partner stabbing her with a wineglass, that'd be a little more pranksterish.
Also, nice to see Robbie Williams being well enough to cheer Heather Mills on in the Dancing With The Stars audience. It's a little known fact that when your average daily consumption includes 60 cigarettes, 36 double espressos, 20 cans of Red Bull and handfuls of Seroxat, part of your treatment involves watching monopeds do backflips for cash.
Oh, we've led you on for long enough now – Here's Heather Mills backflipping her way through Dancing With The Stars…