Heather Mills has lead a high profile life since she decided to marry grandpa Beatle. Of course it's been far more interesting since she decided to divorce him and steal all his earthly goods, but still, that's the relationship that catapulted her into the headlines.
Heather Mills isn't a mere fame clinger-onner anymore though, no sir. She's famous in her own right now, famous for such things as getting canned by PETA for not dumping dead animal bodies right (or something), and telling police to please never let anybody kill her. Oh, and she's gonna be on the brand new season of ABC's Dancing With The Stars.
Now we've never seen the show as our internal quality meters mostly forbid it, but if there's the slightest chance of watching Stella McCartney launch tomatoes at her ex-mother figure from the otherwise adoring crowd, well maybe we could watch it on our DVR. You know, to fast forward through the inevitable Mario Lopez guest spots.
Dancing With the Stars' executive producer Conrad Green said of Heather Mills joining his competition:
"We're saving a smidgen on shoes, of course we're gonna hire her."
He didn't really say that. What he did say of Heather Mills though, is this:
"She's a tremendously compelling story. People will definitely be interested in how Heather copes."
Oh, most of us already know how Heather Mills will cope. First she'll try to hammer out custody of living stuff, then she'll get the locks changed on her, then she'll say someone tried to entice her insides to take a stabby drink, then she'll whisk away four free houses that properly belong to someone else. It's all by the book really – by the coping book. (Available now on Amazon)
Now like we said earlier, hecklerspray doesn't want to watch people dance at all, heck no, dancing is totally gay. Please nobody tell Patrick Swayze we said that. You reading this Patrick? What's up, guy? We loved you in Knight Rider.
Anyways, like we were saying, everyone here at the h-spray is far too manly to watch a dancing show. Well, everyone except Ben the night watchman. He once taped frilly pink parasols to every fish in our lobby tank – including the bottom dweller. It doesn't even rain in there Ben. Weirdo.
Back on track again, we're all really uncomfortable with the idea of watching such a girly show, but if Heather Mills' prosthetic leg flies off mid-twirl and takes out camera two, well we just couldn't stand reading that sort of thing second-hand.
Gay people, here we come.