It's been a long time coming, but the big Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills "You stabbed me in the bloody arm"/ "Oh do shut up, you yakky old one-leg" divorce case has finally gone to the High Court, and so far it looks like Paul McCartney is winning.
According to reports, a High Court judge spent much of yesterday throwing out many of the claims that Heather Mills had made against Paul McCartney, although it's not entirely clear exactly which claims were thrown out and which stayed. Fingers crossed that there's more life in the whole 'Paul McCartney stabby stabby stab' claim, because God knows that's kept us going through some dark dark times.
The world shed a tear when Paul McCartney and Heather Mills split up – if they weren't the planet's top grieving millionaire/ slutty monoped seal-saving couple, they were certainly in the top three – but the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce has contained enough thrills and spills to more than make up for our loss.
Although both Paul McCartney and Heather Mills have had their side-projects to keep them busy – Paul had the classical album Ecce Cor Meum to promote, while Heather has tried variously to punt for a Desperate Housewives role and flail about hilariously on Dancing With The Stars – their impending divorce has always been at the forefront of their minds. Although it started off small-scale enough with some petty lock-changing incidents, the McCartney divorce ramped up when both legal teams from the Charles and Diana divorce were hired. And then things really got messy.
Heather Mills started to claim that Paul McCartney stabbed her in the arm with a wine glass and only pulled his head up from his big pile of drugs to make wayward claims of ownership on her boobies, as well as saying that Paul McCartney used to hit Linda McCartney too. These claims sparked off a chain of events including death threats against Heather Mills, death threats against Heather Mills by Stella McCartney, all kinds of huge settlement offers and slightly smaller settlement offers and, perhaps most controversially of all, Rod Stewart giving his opinion on the matter.
And now the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce reaches its bloody, several months long probably, conclusion – Paul and Heather have gone to the High Court, as Sky reports:
Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are back in court for the latest round in their divorce battle. The former Beatle looked relaxed as he arrived at the High Court in London – his wife looked serious and ignored the waiting media. According to The Sun, Mills stormed out yesterday after the first day of the hearing went badly for her. The paper says she was livid after Mr Justice Bennett threw out many of the lurid claims made against her estranged husband in a leaked document. The judge is deciding which of the allegations against Sir Paul will be allowed.
And that's as much as we know – Paul McCartney and Heather Mills' court appearance was kept private, so nobody knows exactly what happened in there and what didn't. But, judging by the whole 'Heather Mills serious/ Paul McCartney relaxed' scenario, we'd expect that the judge held Heather Mills down for give hours so that Paul McCartney could wave more glassware around her in a vaguely threatening way while singing a new reworked Beatles song called Stabbity Stab Forever at her. Yes, that's probably what happened.